Lemon Lime

It´s kind of a tradition for me to write something on New Years Eve. I like to reflect on everything that´s happened in the last year. I was worried though, that I might not be able to do it this year. I am currently in the middle of the jungle, on the Caribbean side of the country, enjoying some breakfast. I think it´s amazing how far technology has come. I mean, I´m on a computer transmiting a message that could potentially reach millions of people! Haha, well that´s probably not going to happen but you know what I mean. 10 years ago, I don´t think I could´ve even made a signal fire here. Anyways, I´m kinda stressed for time so I´ll try to make this as deep and meaningful as quickly as possible.

2010 was a year of growth for me, even more that 2008 when I graduated from high school and moved here. I learned more about who I was, what I wanted to do with my life, what I wanted to project. It was really a year that was all about me, and I loved it. I became more interested in different things, picked up some new hobbies, created opinions about things I had no idea about before, all in all, I learned a lot. There was the constant struggle of missing home and wanting to be with my friends, but two of them came to visit this year, and when I was alone again, I tried to make the best out of my situation. To sum it up, 2010 ranks pretty high on the charts.

For the past few years I have avoided making New Years resolutions. I thought they were a waste of time and no one ever accomplished them anyway. But with the exception of this year, all the years where I haven´t made a resolution have sucked. So after a few meaningful experiences this year I have finally decided to make one. Here it is: get healthy. I don´t mean just physically which is something that I have been struggling with for years, but mentally, emotionally, everything. I just want to have a piece of mind where I can face any situation without any stress. I want to be able to treat my body right, to feel energized and alive, I want to not lose my temper.....I don´t really know how to describe it. I guess I just want to by synergized with my surroundings, with that unseeing force that connects us all. I know it sounds meditative and new age, maybe even loony, but at the end of the day, I just want to be at peace.

So there you go. I wish you the best night tonight and the best 2011. Hopefully, it´s not our last New Years celebration, if you know what I mean :)

Song of the day: New York, New York- Frank Sinatra

Until next time
Sary

Christ, it's cold!

Quite a few things have happened since I last wrote so I will try to remember them all. Just a side-note first: there's this great guy who I'm subscribed to on Youtube and he always starts off his videos with describing the weather, and since the weather here is always the subject of my scrutiny, I think I'll start doing that from now on too.

So with that said, we've been bracing a cold front for the past week here. December is summer here, but lately it's been feeling as cold as Big Bear. It's just this constant gush of freezing wind, and I've been hiding out inside the house all week. I actually haven't been wanting to go out, which is weird because usually I'll find any excuse to leave the house. Hopefully it clears up tomorrow because I'm going to the Caribbean for New Year's and I want the weather to be Caribbean-esque.

Last week I also had a sort of late revelation. I was talking casually with my family about moving back home and what I'm going to do in terms of work, school, those types of things. My uncle was insistent that I should've been an architect. (He says this because of my community service credits where I had to design a school library which came out really well). I agree and say, "I know, I never knew how much I liked architecture until I had to do that project." Because of this conversation I spend the better half of the following week wanting to pursue a career in architecture and kicking myself in the butt for studying business administration instead of architecture when I got here. At this point, I'm feeling a strong sense of confusion. I'm really interested in being an architect, but will that put film and movie-making in jeopardy? Still I'm very curious so I start doing some research. Turns out, it takes 5 years to get your bachelors and a couple more years for a masters (which is obligatory). Almost immediately I forget about being an architect. Part of me is relieved but the other is really disappointed. I'm relieved because the decision is pretty much already made for me and I won't have to choose between architecture and film, I mean, there's no way I can go to school for seven years now. The other half is disappointed because I didn't realize this before; maybe if I was straight out of high school I might have had a chance to pursue this. I'm mostly disappointed because I wish I could have both. You know, everyone has been telling me that I'm young, I've got my whole life ahead of me, I can do whatever I want, but it's just not true. Sometimes you can't be everything you want to be and you have to choose between what you love the most. I guess I'm saddened by the fact that I will never know what it's like to be an architect, and that I slowly have to start letting that dream go.

I'm not a pessimist and I'm not a quitter. If anything, I'm the most optimistic person you'll ever meet so it's ironic now that I'm siding with reality and seeing things for what they are. I LOVE a challenge and who knows, maybe one day down the line, an opportunity might open up. Maybe I'll make a movie about architects one day. There. Problem solved.

Another thing that's happened since I last wrote is that I finally finished "Jitterbug Perfume". I read about 100 pages in the last sitting, I just couldn't put it down. I don't really know how to describe the book or describe how it made me feel afterwards. The only thing I can say is that it kind of reminded me of how I felt this first time I saw "American Beauty" which is not a bad thing at all. I remember watching the credits roll and sitting in the darkness of my room, staring at the T.V., trying to take in everything I had just seen and what it meant. That's kind of what happened when I finished the book. I just sat for the longest time and thought about my life. The book basically covers themes like love, immortality, religion, sex, death....pretty much everything you can think of in the most hilarious and creative ways. I mean I literally re-read paragraphs time and time again and thought to myself, "How did he DO that?!" Tom Robbins is a genius, I've come to realize. Anyway, he talks about a lot of things in an extravagant way, but what I got at the end of it was seize every moment and every opportunity, and you will achieve eternal life. Well, it's a little more complicated than that but that's the condensed version. It impacted me so deeply that for the first time in years, I want to make a New Years resolution. I haven't exactly articulated it yet, but I have the general idea. I'll let you know in a few days.

I almost forgot about Christmas! My favorite day of the entire year. It was definitely a lot more low-key this year, just my family, my grandparents and my uncle. I'm convinced that Costa Rica just doesn't have the chops to live up to the holiday spirit. I mean, people get really into it, but it's just not the same as back home. Still, it was nice to be with family. I think I could be in Egypt or Vietnam and my Christmas spirit still wouldn't be discouraged.

Other than that, I've been dwelling in my freedom once again, drawing, making music, reading (The Time Traveler's Wife), and BAKING. I made an apple pie for Christmas and a key lime pie last night. They were both delicious. I swear that cookbook we have is on par with "The Art of French Cooking" by Julia Child. It's officially a hobby of mine now and I love it. I've realized that it helps me out when I'm stressed. Most of my other hobbies I do for recreation, just for fun, but baking really chills me out. It's great.

So, I hope you had a wonderful holiday season. Only one more left and then it's back to facing the bitter reality that we'll have to wait another year to get into the holiday spirit. In any case, I hope life has treated you well. By the way, I can't believe I wrote this much! This might be one of my longest entries. To end things, I'll leave you with this beautiful piece I just discovered about two hours ago.

Song of the day: A Song for You- Leon Russell

Until next time

Sary

All I Want for Christmas

Since we probably won't actually celebrate Christmas this year, I asked for my presents today. This is what I got.

Oh and this guy :)

I can't really say what I did to deserve this, although I did step up and got almost all A's in college this year. But I'd like to take this moment to acknowledge the fact that I am a very lucky person and am grateful for every single thing I have in my life. I know these gifts are just things, something materialistic, but it's not even about them. It's about the fact that I have parents who moved to the U.S. in 1987 and worked at horrible places for years until finally being able to work at a place they actually liked and were able to save up enough money to build a foundation for themselves and for their daughters. It's that hard work that allowed them to buy me things like this 23 years later; they have the means now to be able to buy their daughter something that will make her happy, and I know a lot of families can't say that.

Apart from that, I've always had love, nourishment and support from my family. That in and of itself is something a lot of people only dream of. So trust me, I know that I am an extremely lucky person. I do feel guilty a lot of the times for the things I have, for the life I've lived, but some higher power up there knows that I am grateful, and I think that's all I can do to prove I'm worthy. I think we as people can only be grateful and not take things for granted to prove that we are worthy of the things we have, that and giving back as much as possible, which is something I definitely have to work on. I hate New Years resolutions, but that sounds like a good one to set for next year. Anyways, I hope you, reading this, are grateful for the things you have in your life, big or small, important or insignificant. If not, just be grateful that you are alive and that you exist.

Happy Holidays!

Song of the day: Jingle Bells- Frank Sinatra

Until next time

Sary

Double Rainbow

Today's weather was crazy. The winds always pick up in December, it's kind of like the Santa Ana's but freezing cold. So I'm guessing they brought some strange clouds with them or something because it was bright and sunny today, clear skies above and out of nowhere it started drizzling, but I mean drizzling while there were no clouds above. The water was just appearing out of thin air. But that light drizzle remained constant for the entire day. The translation of what we call it here would be "kitten hair"....so if you can just imagine that in the form of rain haha. I guess you wouldn't even consider a drizzle, but more of a mist, kind of like the mist sprayers in Disneyland that they put in the lines, except even lighter than that. Anyways, it was weird, but super nice weather, in fact, my favorite. The good thing is that it'll be sunny like this for the next few months but all this summer weather doesn't really make it seem like Christmas. Oh well, I'd rather have this than constant rain to be honest.

I'm sort of hesitant to say this because I know I sound like a broken record player but I started exercising again today. But this time it's different. I swear I'll keep it up. My goal is to lose a few before New Years, but it isn't a temporary thing. I am determined, DETERMINED to be consistent with this. I am so sick of feeling this way. I won't elaborate on what the entails but just know that I hate it. It's time to step up once again. I miss feeling good about myself and not guilty. I always feel amazing when I exercise and make healthy choices and I haven't felt that way in a while. Now that I'm on break, it's the perfect time to start. So I'll keep you posted on that.

My dad is coming tomorrow and I'm super excited....okay, I'm super excited about the iPhone he's bringing me but I'm excited about seeing him too! Since he's going to be home we'll be doing a lot of traveling while he's here: visiting family, going to the beach, the mountains, and we'll definitely be going out to eat a lot more. I can't wait!

Anywho, I hope you're in the Christmas spirit whoever you are and that all is well in your part of the world. Happy holidays!

Song of the day: Skin Job- Primitive Radio Gods

Until next time,

Sary

Winding Down

I've been wanting to write so badly for the past few weeks, but I literally just have not had any free time at all. Next week is officially the last week of school but I finished on Thursday, so I'll probably just go next week to pick up my grades. This quarter was the fastest and the hardest, I mean, it was the one that went by the fastest and the craziest. I've never worked so hard as this past quarter. I have my community service to thank for that. I ended up doing 156 hours and a 90 page report. The day I had to turn it in, everything that could've possibly gone wrong did. Let's just say it took me 3 hours to print two pages and burn a CD and I had to drive to completely opposite ends of the city in order to do it. Looking back on it, it's definitely one of those situations where you have to laugh at how ridiculous your situation is, but I was about ready to kill someone that day.

So now that I am finally free, I have about a month to myself. No school, no projects, no deadlines, I can do whatever I want. I always love breaks because I can just focus on reading and drawing and my music, things that I love to do but can't really do when I'm in school. I still have to finish "Jitterbug Perfume" and make a portrait for my mom, so I'm looking forward to that.

I feel like the next few weeks are the calm before the storm. I told myself that after New Years, I would start planning for when I move back to California. I really have to sit down and just think and think and think. The rest of my life will depend on the decisions I make in the next few months, on how well prepared I am. Needless to say, I'm scared out of my mind. But it really is time to step up and take responsibility for myself. Not that I haven't been, but I can't keep relying on my parents to make all my decisions for me. Their decisions are what brought me here in the first place. But I'm almost 21 now and it's time to grow up. So I guess in the future when I look back, I'll remember this as the last few weeks where I was peaceful and content without a care in the world, not the chaotic world of huge decisions to be made and pressure to make the right choice that I know awaits me. I'm scared, yes. But I think I would be more scared if I left everything up to someone else. The fact is I'm taking control of my life now, and that's a really invigorating thought.

So I randomly started watching Felicity a few weeks ago. You remember Felicity right? Haha, it was that great show on the WB with Keri Russell and Scott Speedman. I really have no idea why I started watching it, but I loved the first episode, so I decided to watch the second, and then the third and so on and so on. Well, I finished the entire series last night. I really can't begin to describe how much I love that show. I guess the biggest reason is this: I can relate to almost everything that happened on that show. I mean, being scared to go to college, not knowing what to major in, having your parents disagree with the choices you've made, being scared about the future, making friends, losing friends, etc. Not to mention that Felicity is basically me in a prettier body. There were times where I felt that they had taken my life and just put it on screen. This show came out when I was 8 and I had no interest in it whatsoever (why would I, really?). Now 12 years later I find it helping me through some important times in my life. Funny how things like that work out. Look, I know it's just a stupid T.V. show, but when something major is happening in your life you'll look anywhere just to get some support, some advice whatever. And that show gives me hope that there have been other people and that there are presently other people going through the same, tough situation I'm going through right now. I guess the reason why I love it so much is simply because it's comforting to me.

In other news, I'm making gingerbread cookies next week and an apple pie for Christmas dinner. I'm trying to find a gingerbread recipe without molasses because it's pretty hard to find here, so I'll let you know how that turns out.

So there's my update. I'm very content right now, especially since the weather finally cleared up and it's blue skies from here to March. That plus some great new music finds and the Christmas spirit makes me a pretty happy camper.

Song of the day: La Cienega Just Smiled- Ryan Adams

Until next time,

Sary

New Passion

Cooking!

I guess it all started back in May when my mom left for two weeks and I was left home alone to fend for myself and my culinary uselessness. In other words, I was forced to sit down and think about what I was going to cook for myself every night! So I spent many hours on FoodNetwork.com going over recipes of all sorts: low fat, minimal ingredients, low cooking time, weeknight dinners, etc. The first time I ever made myself spaghetti with Pomodoro sauce...let's just say it was definitely a proud moment. But eventually my mom came home and my new found love for the culinary arts lay dormant for the next few months.

Then randomly about two months ago, my mom kept bugging me to make this apple cobbler from one of our many cookbooks in the house- she told me it was super easy and it looked really good, to which I responded half-jokingly, "Well, why don't you do it then?" to which she responded, "I'm too tired and it'll be good for you to learn anyway". So I gave it a shot. What resulted was a bitter apple sauce mush type thing with a soggy topping. But I knew exactly what I had done wrong. So the next week I tested my theory and fixed any errors I had done the week before. What resulted was a tart, juicy apple filling with the most delicious, crunchy topping I had ever tasted. After that I was sold.

A short time later I tried a three berry cobbler I had seen Paula Deen making on her show that looked orgasmic. I made it a few days later and I'm glad to say it came out perfectly. Cooking (or baking rather) has become an addictive new hobby that I'm so anxious to explore now. I don't know what it is, I love tweaking recipes and adding my own twist, the act of making something out of nothing (again we go back to my obsession with creation). And I've learned so much already! What flavors go well with others, the base ingredients for any part of a meal, etc. I'm not an aficionado by any means and I know I just started, but I'm definitely eager to explore this.

I remember feeling this way when I really started getting into cinema. I started looking at movies in a completely different way, in terms of shot, lighting, composition, imagery and so on. And now that I'm getting into cooking, I find myself watching the Food Network constantly, not just to torture myself with how good everything looks, but to actually pick up tips and actually try the meals they're making. That's the best comparison I have so that you'll sort of understand...

...in any case, Thanksgiving is next week so you can imagine my excitement. I would make the entire dinner if I could, but I'm nowhere near that good and I don't have any time whatsoever, so I'm going to attempt to make one of my favorite desserts ever: pumpkin pie. I can't believe how easy it is, but there are lots of variations of the recipe so I'll have to choose one that's good. Still I can't wait because if I get it right, then I can make it any time I want to! Another great part about cooking is all the compliments. It is a definite ego boost :)

Anyhow, I'll let you know how that goes. For now I'll leave you with an amazing song. Goodbye and goodnight!

Song of the day: Exogenesis: Symphony Part III- Muse

Until next time,

Sary

Liberty Leading the People

Wow. Well, quite a lot to talk about my first time back in a month or so. First, I want to say how flattered I am that I actually have some followers. I know, I KNOW. It's only 2, but the fact that anyone would take the time out to read my verbose, non-sensical ramblings is really something. Hopefully I can gain a bigger audience, that is if I keep updating this regularly.

So, my time in Costa Rica is almost up; less than a year and I'll be back home. There are going to be a lot of changes in the coming months and I have a feeling that there will be a snowball effect coming my way very soon. Once things start happening, it will be constant change and chaos for the next few years. I can honestly say I can't see any time to settle down within the next 4 years or so. It is scary, (very scary) but I am so excited. After being so stationary and inhibited I am so ready and willing to face anything, to go out into the world and start being the person I want to become.

Since the last time I wrote, I've read some amazing books, discovered new, wonderful music, have been making some great art and all of this has helped me keep my mind really busy but in a good way, not just mindless busywork. Maybe that's what's made the time go by so fast. I mean, it's almost Christmas. Anyone that knows me knows that I LIVE for the month of December. Actually my greatest joy in life comes from Thanksgiving Day all the way up to New Years. I could write an entire essay of what that time of year means to me and how it affects me.

I feel so scatterbrained right now I can't even put all my thoughts into coherent sentences...maybe it's because I just watched Inception again...actually that IS why. After witnessing all that creation I felt inspired to come and create (to the best of my ability) here. I don't know what it is but lately I've had the biggest urge and need to create, to LEARN, my God! I've been wanting to learn everything about everything: art, music, novels, religion, but most important of all, about myself. This is one of the few defining moments I'll ever have in my life and it's happening now. I can decide, I can determine my life any way I want to as of now. I'll look back and my happiness in the future will have depended on this time. So, I want to know as much about me right now as I can. I want to meditate, I want to reflect, I want to deconstruct myself, I want to travel, I want to go somewhere and just be completely alone and in silence, in essence I want to know myself as much as I can now, so as to determine what I'll want in the future. And I know- people change, circumstances change, life changes, etc. and there's no way to plan out your life moment by moment. But that won't stop me from trying to create the perfect blueprint.

I hope all of this makes sense. I have no idea where this sudden outburst of realization and enlightenment came from but it literally came out of nowhere. And plus, I haven't written in a long time and I needed to get all this out anyway. Unless I am possessed by another wave of insanity, the regular updates will come soon, most likely on the weekend. Then I'll write about music, films, novels stuff that doesn't require too many neurons. It's great to be back!

Song of the day: Same Changes- The Weepies

Until next time,

Sary