i think it's going to rain today

^^ that might be one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.

WELL. I'm back. I have neglected- scratch that- forgotten about my blogger for a month and a half. For this I apologize. But I have to admit, I've been feeling kind of....incomplete for the past few weeks haha. This might be the reason. So here I am on a Thursday night, it's 12:43 a.m., about ready to go to bed and it hits me: I haven't written an entry since June 13th! I drag my hands to type the url in the address bar, thinking that if I don't do it now, I never will. Which of course leaves the question: what do I write about?

Honestly, my thoughts are so juggled between new friends, old friends, school, California (always), movies I have to see, annoying people, my fears, Cabaret, VW Bugs, the gym, the future, the past, love interests (or lack thereof), guitar strings, the electric bill, my music, my friend in Montreal, money, Jon & Kate plus 8, my diminishing hard drive space, family, Smallville, Comic-Con, how late it is, etc., that I wouldn't even know where to begin even if I wanted to. So let's just all be content with me saying: those are the things that I've been thinking about/doing since I last wrote. That and my new obsession with Liza Minnelli HAHA (weird?!).

But seriously, let's just wipe the slate clean and talk about things commencing as of.....now. In fact, let's talk about what the future holds for me in the months to come. It's hard to believe that on August 29th, I'll have been here for a year. It's gone by so excruciatingly slow for me. I mean California seems so far back in my life now. The good news is that I'm going back in December! I want to go for all of my vacation. I have so many things that I want to do, people I want to see, places I want to visit again. I cannot wait. So there's that, and the quarter ends in one month, so I'm seeing which classes I'm signing up for and stuff. School here is....interesting. Actually forget I just said that. It's sad. It's really sad. I'm studying something I absolutely hate and I....really don't have any true friends at school. I mean, I have a lot of friends, don't get me wrong. But in reality they're just people that I hang out with at school so I don't have to sit alone at lunch haha. I mean, I don't hang out with them outside of school or anything, and I certainly don't trust any of them enough to really get to know me. And I consciously make this decision every day for a number of reasons. One is that I'm so bitter about going to this school that I refuse to look on the bright side and make some actual friends so I cut myself off emotionally. Another is that even if I wanted to make some true friends for life, I'm leaving in a little more than a year. Why put myself through the same pain I had when I left California? I just really don't see the point. And on top of all that, I compare everyone to my best friends back home....no one even comes close to them.

There's also the situation about my citizenship and license. In a few weeks I will officially be Costa Rican, and thereby will be able to get my license, and thereby will be able to get a car, and thereby will have a kick-ass 1971 Super Beetle :D

I was looking at some today and called the owners too. Looks promising so far. Still haven't found that right one for me though. Let's see what else? Oh, I don't remember what I exactly said about my uncle last time, but he made it through his surgery and then about 3 weeks ago almost died for a completely different reason. I don't really want to get into what happened, but he's alive and well again! I mean, if I told you the whole story you wouldn't believe it. It's seriously a miracle that he's still alive. But because of what happened they had to post-pone the chemo. I don't know when he starts.

In other news, I've been re-assessing my life again, and I'm sort of stuck in terms of what I really want to accomplish in my life. But even more so, the person that I want to be. I mean I have this picture, but I'm just not sure how to get there. But I know that the first step is to start loving myself more. I'm almost there. And I have a feeling that in the months to come that step will be fully taken.

And that's about it for now! I didn't mean for it to get this long! haha. But I promise to start writing more often, I seriously really missed this.

Song of the day: Jesus was a Crossmaker- The Hollies

Until next time

Sary

I'll be faithful, I'll be true

he's alright :)

he got operated on yesterday and everything came out fine THANK GOD. They removed 6 inches from his intestine and part of his pancreas. But it seems like they've removed everything and hopefully it will stay this way. I don't know what else to say except that I'm so happy!

Anywho, things here at home have been less eventful. I hate school as always and the day when I graduate just seems like a lifetime away. I want to move back so bad, I can't even put it into words.

I don't know, I've just been having a rough couple of weeks but I'm super happy that my uncle is better. I'll update you when I'm feeling better.

Song of the day: We are nowhere and it's now- Bright Eyes

Until next time

Sary

life

life can get in the way.

it can keep you from updating your blogger in over a month.

it can keep you from studying for a test.

it can keep you from calling your best friend for two months.

it can keep you from making your car payment.

it can keep you from going skydiving.

it can keep you from not living every day to the fullest.

it can keep you from knowing that your uncle has cancer.

He's my favorite one. We all found out on Thursday and I was in shock for a few days. I didn't cry. Today is his birthday. And when I called him to wish him a happy birthday, I just lost it. I couldn't stop crying because I knew that this might be his last birthday ever. 

The cancer is super advanced and there's much hope left but everything's not lost. They're operating on Wednesday and there's a slight chance that everything will turn out okay. But if not, there's two things that can happen: we can lose him right there on the operating board, or he survives and lives for a few more months. 

I have been having the shittiest two weeks of my entire life and finding out about my uncle having cancer is the straw that broke the camel's back. You know I hate being pessimistic but I'm in such a rut, and all I want to do is go back home and see my uncle and stay for good. I really don't like it here, but I'm trying to look on the bright side of things.

My uncle is SO optimistic and you can't even tell he has a terminal disease. And I was so impressed and proud of how our family came together. I mean, within two days, my aunt and my grandparents flew over there and my other uncle is leaving on Tuesday. All the brothers and the sister is there and the parents are there too. He has the support of the entire family and we are all there for him because he needs us now more than ever. But I was so amazed by how united we became because I've never really seen our family spring into action like that. One of the great things of growing up in a huge family. 

As for my own moral support, apart from my family's, I know that two close friends are there for me. That's it. And I really don't care who else is behind me or not. Like I told Simon, I can't worry about the fact that someone hasn't called me in a long time because I'm not their mother. If they're not here for me, then that's a shame because a real friend would be here for me. The situation is what it is. I can't worry about someone else's stupidity and apathy right now. I don't have the time or the energy. I simply do not care. 

I'll keep you updated on the situation and please hope that everything will turn out alright. I'm not giving up on the slim chance of success but I think I've prepared myself for the worse. The funny thing is, I went downstairs for about an hour and when I came back this song was playing. If you listen to the lyrics and the meaning, I think you'll agree that it might be a sign.

Song of the day: Trapeze Swinger- Iron & Wine

Until next time

Sary

Bonne Aniversaire

This is me, one year ago.

I don't remember if "Bonne" should be masculine or feminine. In any case...

....not only does this mark the first entry of May, but it is also 

MY BIRTHDAY!!

So I was lying in bed watching American Idol when I realized it was only a few minutes till midnight. So I opened my dashboard to the little calendar thingy and counted down the seconds till Monday. It was pretty cool watching the number change from a three to a four. And now it's 6 past midnight. I thought, I think I'll write in a new entry in my first minutes of being 19!

Exactly one year ago today, I had just had one of the best nights of my life at prom, we had gotten out at 11:30 or so, and right about now we would've been driving to Tustin Lanes for midnight bowling. Gosh, such fond memories it really makes me want to cry, especially with Sigur Ros playing in the background right now. I like these little moments to myself when everyone else is asleep and I can just have some time to think and reflect. So a few thoughts about turning 19:

I am way excited. I mentioned before I always looked forward to turning 19 which is weird because I simply abhorred turning 18. At the same time it's kind of sad because it technically marks the end of my teenage years. I know I've got my whole life ahead of me, but I really feel like the years are coming on fast. It isn't until now that I realize how fleeting life can be. Lately I've been having a lot of dreams about my family and friends dying or just losing someone in general and I'm not really sure what that means. I guess I've been thinking a lot about death lately and the fact that my birthday was coming up just really made me realize how lucky I was to be alive and how I should take advantage of the little time I have, that we all have here. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that....next year I'll be 20. God just typing that out makes me feel weird. And I remember as a kid always wondering what I would look like and the person I would be as an adult. It's one of those things that you always know is going to happen, but it's always surprising when it comes around. I remember feeling this exact same way at graduation. The time is coming when that question that I had as a kid will finally be answered and I guess it just hasn't really sunk in is all. But for what it's worth, I'm pretty happy with the person that I've become. There's definitely a lot of room for improvement, but the basics are there. I think I've started to become the person that I eventually want to be. Now I just have to put the gear in second and I'll be on my way. 

But I've already started to make that change. Jesus, just looking back to a year ago, I was a newly-turned 18 year old, couldn't wait to graduate and really had no idea what would happen to me here. And I really didn't have any opinions about anything: politics, the environment, the human condition, nothing. And I really attribute my self-realization to my move down here. Once I was stripped away from the home I had known all my life, my best friends, all the materialistic bullshit I finally had the chance to find myself, to figure out what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be. It's funny but it took leaving California for me to actually grow as a person. I have changed so much in the last year. And as hard as this move was, I don't regret it, and I would do it again. Because if I hadn't I would still be that ignorant, apathetic person I was a year ago. 

I really feel sorry for a lot of my friends back home, who have no thoughts about life and don't care about anything other than getting high and putting more music on their iPod. If they could just get out and get a glimpse of the world like I did, and realize that there's so much more out there....I don't know. Maybe we all would've had a psychological revolution. 

Anyways, I am thankful that I survived another year. I hope that this year will yield even more change and growth on my part. Here's to my last year as a "teenager" haha. Let's make the most of it.

Song of the day: Gódan Daginn- Sigur Ros

Until next time 

Sary

i'm horrible

4 posts for April? LAAAMMME. I'm so sorry, blogger. But I have a good excuse. I have been working my ass off for all of my final projects and exams. Tomorrow I find out if I passed marketing, don't even get me started on that. I don't want to talk about school anymore. I finished the semester today....I actually survived my first semester of college! haha

So the good news is that I get two weeks off starting today! It was all definitely harder than I thought but I think I passed all of my classes....I don't know if you realize that strangeness of that sentence...Sarynelli worried if she passed a class or not? I know, it's true. I have gone from straight-A honor roll high school student to mediocre college student who just cares if she got higher than a 70 in a class. Oh, how people change :)

I apologize for my pessimistic attitude last time. It's not really like me, I usually try to look on the bright side of things and not panic. But I guess I was just frustrated at the situation I was in...I was so sure things would end up my way, but as I've said many many times before, things don't always end up the way you plan. Certain events in my life have demonstrated this to me over and over again. Maybe the cosmos is trying to tell me something?! haha.

But since then, that was like three weeks ago I think, I have re-assessed the situation and decided to make the best of it. At the end of the day, it's the most reasonable decision to take and the safest, which unfortunately also means that my dream of becoming a legendary filmmaker will have to wait a few more years. But the best things in life are usually the ones worth waiting for. Anyways, I'm feeling better about it. I'm just going to concentrate on school and the years will go flying by. 

Well.

In case you didn't know, it's my birthday on Monday. I can't wait. The ironic thing about this is that if you check back to exactly one year ago, I was PISSED that I was turning 18 haha. I DID NOT want to turn 18 because then I was officially an adult and my youth was disappearing and blah blah blah. Strangely though, I have ALWAYS looked forward to turning 19. Haha, I don't why, it just always seemed such a cool age to me. Like, "....Hey...I'm 19..." HAHA. But at the same time, typing out those numbers just now, 1-9, I really can't believe it. I'll be freaking 20 next year. In all seriousness, I really feel like my life is going by so quickly! Which is just another reason to make the best out of your life and always have the conviction to follow your dreams. I feel like I've grown so much since I turned 18, mostly in part because I was still in California when I turned 18. Jesus. That seems like so long ago! But anywho, I'll talk about that more on Monday. But remember to send me birthday wishes :) 

So let's see, what else? Oh, things with the love interest have kind of plateaued unfortunately. And I won't see him again for atleast another two weeks...who knows, maybe some time apart will be good haha. 

I really can't wait to go visit back home in December. I've already started planning. I would go further into detail about this, but How to Lose A Guy in 10 days just started and I am NOT going to miss it haha. I think a chick flick and some popcorn is exactly what I need after such a stressful two weeks.

The Amelie soundtrack has been on repeat for the last two days on my computer....so it's only natural....

Song of the day: J'y Suis Jamais Allé- Yann Tiersen

Until next time

Sary

Because I'm too lazy...

This is the e-mail that I wrote to Mrs. Pahl:

"I miss you Mrs. Pahhhlll!!! And Casey too of course. And Rocky and Benny. Things are going pretty well here. I had Spring Break last week and went to the beach! It was sooo beautiful. The beaches were pretty desolate despite the fact that all the gringos came down to spend their spring break here haha. My cousin drove by the airport last Monday and said there was a line of tourists that spanned about 100 meters haha!. We get lots visitors this time of year. But today it rained! It's raining right now actually. And I think this marks the beginning of the rain for us...it's going to pour continuously from here till December pretty much :(

Casey seemed pretty bummed when I told her I wasn't coming in May, so was I. What really sucks is that my mom is going in May...to know that she's going without me makes me furious! haha. But I think it's better this way. I'm going in December for sure and I get a whole month off of school so I can stay longer than I would have in May. Plus, December is my favorite month, I get waaay into the Christmas spririt haha. There's no other place that I would rather spend in December than back home. 

Apart from everything else, I'm going through an existential crisis! haha. I would really love your advice or support, because you would pretty much be the only person offering :/

The thing is, I'm not happy at all at school. I mean, I love the people, the campus, the whole experience, but I just HATE what I'm studying. I wasn't planning on registering next semester because four months of business administration have just really showed me that it's not for me, and I would die if I went into that as a profession. It's also made me realize how much I love film and how I know that I won't be happy if I'm not doing that. 

So when I told my parents, they of course freaked out. My original plan was to just work for the next year or two and save up enough money to go back home and study film. But they said there is no way they are letting me waste a year of my life working because sooner or later I won't want to go back to school. So they gave me two options: I can either 

a) continue to go to school for the next two years and get my bachelors. After that, I can do whatever I want- stay here, go back home and study whatever I want. The problem is I think I will literally DIE if I have to take two more years of this major.

b) if I dropout now, I go back home as soon as possible and I'm basically on my own. They pretty much said they can't support me if I'm over there (and they also mentioned their great disappointment in me if I dropout of school).

Here's the thing: Their argument is that if I get a bachelor's and go back to live in California, I'll atleast have some sort of base to get a good job and be able to afford a comfortable living situation while paying for film school (and I hate to admit it but they're right) as opposed to getting a full time at Starbucks or whatever making minimum wage. They also mentioned their great disappointment in me if I dropout about a hundred times. 

But I just don't see how I'm going to survive for the next two years studying something that I hate. I guess my good sense is telling me to suck it up for the next two years- sometimes we have to make sacrifices and do things we don't want to do...

...another thing that really bothered me is their lack of support in regards to what I want do with my life. They don't take me and my passion for film seriously and most of the time laugh at me for wanting do something so unorthodox...my mom referred to it as a "hobby"...that really hurt. I mean, when your own parents don't support you in something you've been wanting since you were a little kid it just makes it that much harder to acheive. 

So right now alllll the odds are against me and everything and everyone is telling me to give up my dream. Any words of advice? Moral support? Money to send my way? haha.

Anyways, sorry for rambling but I feel better now that it's off my chest. I hope everyone is doing great and I hope to hear from you soon! Give casey a huge hug for me!

Love 

Sary"

pretty much.

Song of the day: Deleft Schremp- Band of Horses

Until next time

Sary

Montezuma's Revenge

^^ This is so cool, I googled Montezuma and that's the hotel that my cousin owns buried in the palm trees!

I think I've already posted an entry with that title....and I just realized the other day that I had the same "Song of the Day" for two entries in a row haha. Ray is just a genius, what can I say?

So I'm leaving in about 3 hours for Montezuma. Yes, we are leaving at 2 a.m. It marks the commencement of my first spring break in Costa Rica! I should try to get atleast one hour of sleep but I know it's not gonna happen. I love waking up in the middle of the night for family road trips. It reminds me of our first road trip to San Francisco. But if there is one thing that I love, it's driving in the middle of the night. The world seems so calm, so peaceful, it makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world. The fact that everyone else is safe, asleep in their beds gives me a feeling of such comfort, I don't know why! haha. But on the list of small pleasures that I love, that would definitely be at the top. 

We come back on Saturday and I'm going to make the most of the four days we're spending there. I'm going to see my uncle Eugene of Thursday who is one of my favorite uncles...he's German! haha. Like full on "I was born in Germany before the wall came down" German haha. And also *CROSSING FINGERS* the love interest will meet up with me in the next few days. I'm so excited. :D

I promise to take a crap load of pictures to document this great trip. So I'll probably check in again on Sunday, if I'm not too tired. Wish me luck with the love interest and I hope you have a great spring break! (If you haven't already)

:)

Song of the day: The Blower's Daughter- Damien Rice

Until next time

Sary

April showers

It's raining right now! Which is cool I guess....I love the sound of rain on the tin roofs. Before I go off and watch the Jane Austen Book Club (which is a wonderful little movie) I thought I'd squeeze in an entry. 

Well, it's April! I've always liked April, it's always been a good month. Well, bittersweet would be a more accurate word. April is the month that my grandma died. Yesterday it was her 5 year anniversary. I can't believe it's been 5 years already. I remember the night that it happened...something that will definitely stay burned in my mind for the rest of my life. That was really the first experience I ever had with death. I remember I didn't cry for about 4 or 5 days. I just felt numb and incredibly guilty for that. It took about 5 days for it to sink in and after I realized she was gone forever I really lost it. And I wasn't extremely close with her you know? I mean I loved her to death and she always carried a special place in my heart, but I just never got to see her that much. So we loved each other immensely but just simply weren't that close. I still think about her often.

April was also the month when I started going out with my first boyfriend. Ahhh fond memories hahah. But for me, April and love (or love interests I guess I should say) have always gone hand in hand. Maybe that's why I love it so much haha. See because now, things with my current love interest are going extremely well. And I'm so happy. We're both going to Montezuma next week for spring break and we're meeting up! I can't wait. 

I've been playing the piano a lot lately, but it's so freaking hard! A lot of hand coordination is needed. I guess since I'm so used to playing the guitar it's made things more difficult for me. But I learned how to play 3 or 4 songs on it now! Mind you, I KNOW how to play them...doesn't mean I can haha not physically atleast. The bones in my fingers have been hurting a lot just because I've had to stretch them out while I play. Hopefully I'll continue with it and learn how to really play just like I did with the guitar. 

Anyways. Next time. In-depth entry. I PROMISE.

I seem to be getting more and more obsessed with Ray. I luuurve him.

Song of the day: Let it be me- Ray LaMontagne

Until next time

Sary

....fawwwk

we lost.

But to make up for that:

• I'm obsessed with the new Killers album
  
• I don't have school next Tuesday
  
• Spring Break is almost here
  
• Things with my love interest are going significantly well 

:D

Song of the day: A Dustland Fairytale- The Killers

Until next time

Sary

sick nasty

ugh, i had a whole long entry planned out, but it's half past midnight and i just really don't have the energy to go into a whole exposition. instead i'll leave you with an update of my nasty arm, and a new song on the page. I found a SICK version of "Swallowed in the Sea" live. 

It's my favorite Coldplay song, if you can believe it, which is saying a lot. 

COSTA RICA VS. MEXICO TOMORROW IN AZTECA STADIUM. Holy shiiiiiit. If you don't know, Azteca stadium is one of the largest in Mexico and only one country has EVER beaten Mexico there...guess who? :D

The last time we played there was about 9 years ago and it was seriously historic. Here's hoping that we can catch lightning in a bottle twice. I'll let you know who won tomorrow!

Song of the day: Algo esta Cambiando- Julieta Venegas

Until next time

Sary

burrrn baby burn

I burned my arm last week. It's so gross. Like, the skin lifted up and it's all burnt and....yeah it's just gross. I'd say second degree burn definitely. I won't tell you exactly how I got it but let's just say I made a huge mess in the kitchen haha.

Last week I went to the mall with Moritz, which I guess has become like our routine now haha. He has Tuesdays off and he picks me up to go eat at the mall which is literally across the street. We usually just walk around after and make fun of all the people but last week I got a sweet protector for my iPod and then I helped him pick out some jeans. It's really nice to be getting close to him again. We seriously used to be inseperable when we were kids...and then he turned 13 and became a total jerk haha. And I mean we still talked and everything afterwards but the bond was just gone. Then once he got over himself about a year ago things started to get back to the way they used to be. I'm really happy about that. He's my comorade haha.

ANYWAYS, my mom went to the beach yesterday to visit my grandpa who's sick and she didn't want to leave me alone all weekend so I'm going up to my aunt's house today for the whole weekend. I love it up there. And with the weather being so nice as it has been in the past week, it's gonna be beautiful up in the mountains.

I made a new friend yesterday! His name is Dario and...he's gay! It's so funny because I thought he was sooo hot the first time I met him a few months ago. But I also thought he was kinda standoff-ish and probably had a like a million girlfriends because he was surrounded by girls all the time hahah. And then yesterday he was telling my friend and I about all the trouble he's having with his "partner" and...DING DING DING! A lightning bulb went off in my head haha. But it's weird because when I made that assumption about him at first, I wouldn't give him the time of day, and then when I found out he was gay, we couldn't stop talking to each other! haha. And I was giving him advice and stuff about what to do in his situation and blah blah blah. And then it hit me, the only reason you're talking to this guy is the judgement you made about him was wrong. All of a sudden now, because he's not the player you thought he was, you think he's a really great guy...

....and then I realized how many stupid times I judge people before I even know them. Now I always said that I'm a good judge of character, which I am. I think it's fine to judge someone, to judge who they are. It's the actions you take as a result of that that are not okay. Becuase I thought this guy was a player, it was a really big turn off and I was probably really rude to him. THAT is what is wrong. It's not your judgement, it's the behavior that you execute after the judgement. You see what I'm saying? Maybe not....

But do you think judgement is right? How many times have you judged a person without knowing them? How many times have you been wrong about a judgement? How many times have you acted accordingly? Talk to meh.

Song of the day: Nessun Dorma- Placido Domingo

Until next time
Sary

big step

Today was a big step in my personal life. I'm really happy about that right now :)

Ahhh so. I think this blog deserves a lengthy, in depth entry for the month of March. It has been neglected recently, and for that I'm sorry. 

These last few weeks that the blog has gone without updates for the most part have been pretty awesome. I mean apart from school and two major projects that I had to turn in (which by the way I think I'm going to get a bad grade on) life has been pretty good. I've been hanging out with Moritz a lot more, now that Minor's back that crazy fool wants to go out every weekend. We saw Watchmen together....so tight! I think I was the only one who liked it haha. I mean, it definitely had room for improvement but the themes of the movie were what really scored the big points for me. It's one of those movies that you find yourself thinking about days after you watch it, and it really makes you think about our world today and the human condition. Any movie that does that, is great by my standards. 

Apart from hanging out with them, I've been meeting a lot more people and just hanging out with the rest of my family. They are seriously the bomb. I look forward to going to my grandparent's house if you can believe that, just because I laugh my butt off everytime I go. They're in their late 70's but I enjoy hanging out with them as much as I do my best friends. Anywho. 

I realized the other day out of the blue, that it's finally sunk in for me: I am living in Costa Rica. And it only took 6 months for me to realize it haha! I guess subconsciously I always thought I was going home, just because it was what I was used to...come to Costa Rica for a month, get on a plane, head home. But now that it's been 6 months already since I got here I think I'm getting used to the idea. I feel a lot better now in my own skin... still miss California like crazy though. Speaking of which, I don't think I'll be able to go in May. It's either that or December and I'd much rather wait until December which is my favorite time of the year. Definitely not the same in Costa Rica. 

The last thing that's on my mind is that a dear old friend recently sent me a message telling me how the pursuit of my dream in the film industry inspires her.... words really can't describe how that makes me feel. I mean, I get my motivation and inspiration from various sources (see that little list to the right?) haha. But seriously I mean, all these people inspire me to do more with my life, to question everything I see, to grow as a person. What they have done for me is indescribable. And to know that because of them, through my own actions, that I have inspired someone else is incredible. I'm just pursuing what I love because I have to...it's as simple as that really. I know that I won't be happy in life if I don't do the one thing that gives me more joy than anything else. I'm just doing my own thing really :P But the fact that I can give someone else the same type of inspiration that these people give me means so much. Thank you. 

What about you? Who/what inspires you? Where do you get your motivation from? Why do you do the things you do. I'd like to know really.

Song of the day: Jolene- Ray LaMontagne

Until next time

Sary

lazy afternoon

March has been a lame month for blogging. I'm sorry. 

But I will say that I am alive and well, and being infatuated with someone never felt so nice :)

Song of the day: Jolene- Ray LaMontagne

Until next time

Sary

oh crap

it's been a while! It's already March 7th and I still haven't written an entry for march :/

So I just got back from school, I was supposed to meet some classmates for a project and NONE of them showed up. Can I have those two hours of my life back please? Gosh, and the worst part is that I had to get up early for nothing! So I'm kinda pissed...

...well after my last entry, I've been since  planning my escape. I feel like Natalie Portman in "Anywhere But Here". Great movie, if you haven't watched it I recommend it. Anyways, towards the end of the movie her mom expects her to stay with her after high school, but Natalie's character is secretly planning to go to college on the other side of the country....basically, her mom gets really pissed haha. But I can definitely relate to that. I've got a pretty basic plan right now, which I will share next time.

But inspiration has resurfaced in my life :) I love being inspired. It makes me feel alive, like I have a purpose. 

My uncle flew in from Cali on thursday! It's so good to see him. We're having like a family reunion/party tonight, I'm so excited. Apart from the crapload of homework I have, life is pretty good right now. 

Jeff, I missed you.

Song of the day: Last Goodbye- Jeff Buckley

Until next time

Sary

the jerkoffs

I can't believe I was so judgmental about this movie before I watched it! I got to see it courtesy of our new video store we subscribed to. AMAZING soundtrack, but I guess that was pretty much a given :)

More in depth posts that require serious thinking next time.

Song of the day: Last Words- The Real Tuesday Weld

Until next time

Sary

life through a lens

usually any kind of realization or revelation I've had in my life has been a slow process. I've never really had an "a-ha!" moment in terms of my life. But today it happened. It was amazing. Without trying to sound cheesy or predictable, I just saw my life before me perfectly and clearly. It was just this unexpected moment of clarity and it was amazing because I had never felt it before. It was during my marketing class this afternoon.

So I'm sitting there, taking down notes, and I start to daydream like I usually do in class. The professor reminds us that there is a test next week and any hope I had for a relaxing weekend is crushed. Suddenly I'm reminded of how much I hate school, not just in general, but how much I hate studying what I'm studying. It is the most uncreative, uninspiring thing I could ever study and there is just no room for insight or expanding your mind or creativity or anything. I feel like an idiot for not telling my parents straight up from the beginning that I wasn't going to go to university here if it wasn't for film.

And then it hit me: I don't have to study. Jesus, I'm an adult now, no one can force me to do anything I don't want to. Going to school for a major I could care less about falls under that category. I realize as much as my parents will hate this idea, I can now say with conviction and confidence that it is MY life. And I'll choose what I want to do with it from now on. As soon as I made this discovery, I started deviating a hypothetical plan in my mind, and I saw the next five years of my life just play out. I'll quit next semester, start working and start saving up money for the next two years at least to go back to California and study what I've always been passionate about: film. I'll get a job back home and earn my way through film school and finally live life the way I want it to. What it all comes down to is this: film is my life. I can't imagine doing anything else except that for the rest of my life. I'm not going to waste two years of my life going to school for something that I  

a) hate

b) will probably never pursue a career in

If filmmaking doesn't work out, I'll still make my living through some kind of art form; business administration is definitely not a part of that. And I won't settle for anything else. I know this was originally supposed to be a back up plan, but I'm going ahead with this without any sort of plan B. It's either film or nothing else. And for the first time I'm excited to actually pursue something that I'm passionate about with everything I have, with everything I can offer. It's certainly a rush to know that the chances of making it are slim and I have nothing to fall back on.... I'm doing it. 

As much as I feel empowered right now, I'm scared to death as to what my parents will say. It will be a huge altercation I can tell you that right now, but I have to do it. It's the first step in following my dreams. I never thought I'd be nor wanted to be a college dropout, but if there's one thing I've learned recently is that nothing ever happens exactly the way you want it to. I'm living proof of that just sitting here right now. 

Go download this right now.

Song of the day: Love is the end- Keane

Until next time

Sary

a new love interest?

I had the most amazing dream the morning of Valentine's Day. You know it's one of those dreams where you wake up completely happy? Usually these kinds of dreams involve a love interest, for me anyway haha. 

So with all these hot guys at school it was bound to happen sooner or later that I would fall for one, and I have. It's going on 5 years now that I don't have a significant other and I'm tired of it. This one has to work. I've only just met him but I think there's definitely a chance. Just the fact that I'm interested in someone else is great because I haven't liked anyone in about two years, at least not realistically. I'm gonna go take a shower and study for my first college test tomorrow! Wish me luck (on both counts)! I hope you had an amazing weekend.

Song of the day: Anyone else but you- The Moldy Peaches

Until next time

Sary

Cs3

hahahah shut up! i know it's corny but i think i'm getting pretty good at these! Photoshop was sooo hard for me in the beginning but once you get the terminology and the hang of it, it's so easy! I cranked these out in like an hour and a half which is pretty good. 

I think today was the best day I had at school, socially. Academically? Not so much.

Song of the day: Lovers in Japan- Coldplay

Until next time

Sary

Ole, ole, ole, oleeee

I'm watching the soccer game right now, Costa vs. Honduras. I wish I was there! Soccer here is like hockey in Canada (I know you're happy I said that, Simon haha). It's huuuuuge. When I got to school today everyone was like, are you going to the game tonight? And a few hours ago one of our friends called to ask if we wanted to go over and watch the game at his house. I love our enthusiasm for the sport :)

Anyways I thought I'd update you. Let's get specific: I had a pretty good day at school today. I'm making a lot of new friends and getting more and more comfortable with meeting new people. I got out about an hour early and my mom wasn't home so the taxi driver (who was been driving me while our car is in the impound) took me to the restaurant where she was. It's about 15 minutes away from the house. OKAY. So the place is called Lomas del Zurqui and it's a gated residence with a H-U-G-E clubhouse and restaurant. I mean we're talking, 3 swimming pools, tennis courts, squash court (how cool is that?) 2 big salons, 4 bars, pool tables, 2 gyms, etc., etc. And the drive up there was just.... I mean it felt like I was in Jurassic Park. The fact that it was a beautiful day helped a lot too, but there was just so much greeeeen everywhere and mountains and ugh. It was just amazing. And the houses? Dude, we're talking mansions here. I felt like I was in Cowan Heights- CR version haha. All the beauty I saw just made my day :)

Let's get general: I have a lot of acquaintances now at school, but I have two close friends who I talk to the most- Paola and Alejandra. They're both really cool, Alejandra is hysterical and she has a lot of really cool/funny friends. I got invited to her birthday party last weekend! But I couldn't go. Haha apparently I missed it because there were a lot of hot guys :/ haha anyway we'll probably celebrate later. I like all of my classes except written communication and administration. Written communication is like English AP but in spanish. That's the best way I can describe it. So if you're reading this, and you had Kasper last year, then you'll know what I'm talking about. And administration is sooo freaking boring! The professor is like Mrs. Pauldine but without a sense of humor haha. And he literally, I'm not kidding takes like 45 seconds to write a sentence. Like the other day he was writing "The fundamentals of administration" and it almost took him one minute haha. Like, how long does it take to write that seriously. Anyways, I start at quarted to 11 everyday but on Thursdays (tomorrow) I start at 7. UGH. So i have to get up at 5. Reminds me of getting up every morning for zero period haha. Those were some dark times. 

On another note, I've been getting into photoshop A LOT lately haha. Kudos to Casey for installing it for me before I left. Mostly I'm using it to make small banners and stuff. I'll let you guess what they're about haha. And apart from that I've just been working my butt off and looking forward to when I have some vacation time. And looking forward to July for when Chris (hopefully) comes!

Haha wow, sorry I got so chatty. I started and I was like "Okay I really don't want to write that much" and look how much I got done! But I miss my older entries that were full of depth and questioning. Definitely gonna start that up again. If you haven't already, check out the "inspiration" links on the right hand side to see where I get my.....inspiration from haha. Those are the kinds of topics I want to discuss on here. Anyways, the first half is over and I really want to photoshopit some more before I have to go to sleep. Goodnight, who/wherever you are!

Song of the day: Storybook Ending- Huntingfield

Until next time

Sary

Last. Clana Scene. EVER.

If you don't get SOMEWHAT emotional over this, you have no soul. 

It's finally over after 8 years. We've always known since day one that they couldn't end up together. We just didn't know how it would happen, what they would say, what the circumstances were going to be. After 8 years of waiting and imagining this scene in my head over and over again, I can honestly say that it's perfect. 

I think the reason why I'm so attached to Smallville (and these two) is because I've grown up with them over the years. If you look at Season 1 and compare it now to Season 8, it's like two completely different shows. I'd like to think it's the same with me. I'm completely different than I was when I was 11 haha. 

All in all, I've been on this journey with them over the past 8 years and now it's finally time to say goodbye. They have been the source of some serious entertainment, sadness, and "What the Fuck?!" moments in my life. This scene is a culmination of the last 8 years, and it all comes down to the fact that they love each other so much that they would sacrifice their happiness for the rest of the world. Words can't really describe how I'm feeling right now.....just watch.

Song of the day: Goodnight, Travel Well- The Killers

Until next time 

Sary