Well first of all, my dad is leaving tomorrow morning. And then that's it, I'm here all by myself for the next two months. Granted I have my entire family here, haha, but you know what I mean. I'm away from my parents and my sister. So apart from being scared of living on my own for the first time, I am so worried for my dad because of the hurricane. He stops in Houston which is right on the Gulf Coast, and the hurricane is going through the Caribbean tomorrow. I hope he gets there okay.
And something....strange happened to me tonight. I really can't explain it, but basically, I am actually glad to be here now, I know why I'm here, and I have figured out the entire meaning and purpose of my life. It's funny what can happen in 7 minutes. My dad's cousins came tonight to say goodbye to him, and we all sat around talking for awhile. One of them, Erica, was talking about how she used to be like me in the sense that I wanted to live in the States, and that she loved Costa Rica, but she preferred to be over there. And then she said, the thing that made her come here was her mother's last dying breath.
I was crying by the end of her story, but basically, she told us about the day her mother died, how she was with her on her death bed. If I try to write about it, I won't do it any justice, but the way she spoke, the was she told the story was so moving, and so ominous in a way, because anything to do with death really scares me. She said that the day her mother died, she hadn't opened her eyes in the last three days. And then when she was just minutes away from her death, Erica and her sisters started to say a prayer. The room was completely dark, and one of her sisters had lit a candle. As they were praying, the wax from the candle she was holding was running down the entire length of her arm, and everyone in the room said the prayer with such conviction and confidence, that her mother finally opened her eyes. She said the she looked at her, and it was almost as if a light was coming through her eyes. She said looked so peaceful, and she was so at ease, that she told her, "Mom, it's okay you can go." And then she died.
I'm telling you, you had to be there in person and hear her telling this story because I got chills and my grandmother and I started crying in front of everyone. Well, the thing is, after that, Erica called her dad and said " I'm staying right here and I'm never going back."
That is what life is. It's being with the people you love, it's doing what you love, it's being in a place that loves you back. There's a certain air and warmness to Costa Rica that you can't find anywhere else, and I'm addicted to it. I'm not being biased either. People from all over the world have said that this is the nicest country they have ever visited, not just because it's beautiful, but because of the people. You won't find people like this anywhere else. And so I realized, as long as I am here and I'm with the people I love, then the rest doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter how much money I make, it doesn't matter what I do, all that matters is that I am home. And now I am certain more than ever that home is here.
It only took me a week to figure it out, and that's not to say that I don't miss California and all my friends, but I feel as though I've been somewhere else for the last 18 years, and I am finally coming home. Plus, my grandparents aren't getting any younger. I've already had to suffer through the pain of losing a grandmother that I loved so much, but hardly ever got to see. The next time that happens, I'm going to be here with them.
So I don't know, maybe it's the sadness of my dad leaving me tomorrow, or the fact that I'll be on my own for the next two months, but I finally feel like I understand. Understand what? I don't know. But I understand.
Song of the day: Morning Theft- Jeff Buckley
Until next time
Sary
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