life through a lens

usually any kind of realization or revelation I've had in my life has been a slow process. I've never really had an "a-ha!" moment in terms of my life. But today it happened. It was amazing. Without trying to sound cheesy or predictable, I just saw my life before me perfectly and clearly. It was just this unexpected moment of clarity and it was amazing because I had never felt it before. It was during my marketing class this afternoon.

So I'm sitting there, taking down notes, and I start to daydream like I usually do in class. The professor reminds us that there is a test next week and any hope I had for a relaxing weekend is crushed. Suddenly I'm reminded of how much I hate school, not just in general, but how much I hate studying what I'm studying. It is the most uncreative, uninspiring thing I could ever study and there is just no room for insight or expanding your mind or creativity or anything. I feel like an idiot for not telling my parents straight up from the beginning that I wasn't going to go to university here if it wasn't for film.

And then it hit me: I don't have to study. Jesus, I'm an adult now, no one can force me to do anything I don't want to. Going to school for a major I could care less about falls under that category. I realize as much as my parents will hate this idea, I can now say with conviction and confidence that it is MY life. And I'll choose what I want to do with it from now on. As soon as I made this discovery, I started deviating a hypothetical plan in my mind, and I saw the next five years of my life just play out. I'll quit next semester, start working and start saving up money for the next two years at least to go back to California and study what I've always been passionate about: film. I'll get a job back home and earn my way through film school and finally live life the way I want it to. What it all comes down to is this: film is my life. I can't imagine doing anything else except that for the rest of my life. I'm not going to waste two years of my life going to school for something that I  

a) hate

b) will probably never pursue a career in

If filmmaking doesn't work out, I'll still make my living through some kind of art form; business administration is definitely not a part of that. And I won't settle for anything else. I know this was originally supposed to be a back up plan, but I'm going ahead with this without any sort of plan B. It's either film or nothing else. And for the first time I'm excited to actually pursue something that I'm passionate about with everything I have, with everything I can offer. It's certainly a rush to know that the chances of making it are slim and I have nothing to fall back on.... I'm doing it. 

As much as I feel empowered right now, I'm scared to death as to what my parents will say. It will be a huge altercation I can tell you that right now, but I have to do it. It's the first step in following my dreams. I never thought I'd be nor wanted to be a college dropout, but if there's one thing I've learned recently is that nothing ever happens exactly the way you want it to. I'm living proof of that just sitting here right now. 

Go download this right now.

Song of the day: Love is the end- Keane

Until next time

Sary