morning becomes electric

I wanted to write something really quick before I start drawing. Lately I've been day-dreaming so much, mostly about places I want to live in the future. I want to live in New York more than anything, but I really have no idea how, most of all when, because it would definitely push back my plans for film even more. I've been checking out other major cities as well, mostly in Canada. Vancouver or Montreal would be sick to live in also. From what I've seen, they're amazing. We'll see. I'm leaving next year and the sooner I start planning, the better.

Also:

How much do you love her? And what she's wearing?

Song of the day: Grace Cathedral Park- Red House Painters

Until next time

Sary

cheelin

The last few days have been really relaxing apart from school, and considering that the next 4 days will be hectic I'm enjoying it as much as I can. I have to say, sticking to this certain regimen has been motivating. I think we all know that good feeling when we say we're going to stick to something and follow it step by step, with no cheating in between. Let's just say I haven't had ANY sugar in the past 3 days :)

Considering my infatuation with Liv Tyler right now, I started checking out some of her movies. I had seen a lot of them already, but the one that sort of impacts you the most is Stealing Beauty. Not the best film in the world, it is really boring at times and it's hard to imagine that people really live that way, but her performance is amazing. It's so real and honest and subtle, and one of the last scenes is really impacting. Apart from that, it has a really great soundtrack for the most part, classic 90's haha. So I've been downloading a bunch of songs from the soundtrack today and from similar artists just basking in this downpour of artistic revelation.

I don't know. It was just a really quiet morning today and it looks like it's gonna rain soon so I'll probably open the window and read a book. That will be one of the things I greatly miss when I move. Listening to some mellow music and reading a book with the windows open while it's raining...ugh so nice. In other news I want to completely revamp my wardrobe and have been getting some great inspiration...I think I'll post that in the next entry. As for now, I'll enjoy the rest of my quiet day until I have to stress out for the entire weekend starting tomorrow.

Song of the day: Rhymes of an Hour- Mazzy Star

Until next time

Sary

back on the wagon!

So many things have happened.

• Allie came to visit for two weeks
• Went zip-lining
• Saw Aerosmith live!
• Developed a new girl crush on Liv Tyler
• Downloaded some bitchin' music (Spacehog anyone?)
• Got drunk for the first time
• Got a new scar

Etc., etc. I've had some time to reflect in the couple of days and I honestly feel disgusted with myself. I don't know why, it's a combination of things, physical mostly. I'm just a slob right now. And school has been on the back burner as of late which is not good. So starting tomorrow, the metamorphosis will be begin and this will honestly be the last time I look and feel like this. I'm so sick of feeling this way all the time. Changes, changes! Change is good, it's great. It's time for it to happen now.

Song of the day: Crazy- Aerosmith

Until next time

Sary

seriously?

ughhhh. SO frustrated right now....I've met about 3 new guys in the last two weeks, all of whom I have liked instantly and then I meet their beautiful girlfriends. It's like drowning in the ocean, trying to surface for air and as soon as you get up, another wave crashes down on top of you.

i'm pissed. and my internet connection is soooo messed up.

Song of the day: Move on up- Curtis Mayfield

Until next time

Sary

Humidity sucks

Let's see if I can roll this out in 15 minutes!

So recently, I've been trying to make my room more interesting. Apart from the James Dean and Coldplay posters, it's really freaking bland. So I decided to finally hook up the turntable to the sound system to no avail, because the receiver doesn't have a phono input which makes the sound really shitty so I have to get a pre-amp which is about 50 bucks back home which means it's about 100 here OR I could get another receiver which is another hassle and I don't know anyone I can trade with. So there's that. But the good news is there was yet another Coldplay poster that came with the vinyl version of X&Y so I have to put that up soon and I figured I could start hanging all the drawings I've been doing. The plan was to hang them all up at the end, but 5/9 of the way there, so I don't see the harm in starting now.

Apart from that, school started last week and I've been trying to keep up with my reading. I finished To Kill a Mockingbird almost two weeks ago and I have yet to start 1984 so I really need to get on that. I've decided that being super organized is the only way to live haha. I feel so much....calmer? I don't know. But having my room and school work organized just takes a lot off my shoulders for some reason and it makes me feel in complete control which is never bad.

Not much else has happened really. I can't wait to get a job so I can start making my own money. Next month, I SWEAR.

Song of the day: We Will Become Silhouttes- Death Cab for Cutie

Until next time

Sary

Boo Rad

My 2 days of being 20 so far have been great. I haven't gone anywhere, I've been stuck in the house, but I'm in such a great peace of mind. Nothing has upset me at all. And in the last two days I've come to realize that the things that upset us are done so by our own will. We have the decision every day to choose to let things upset us or not. It's something I've heard and known for quite some time now, but never put it into practice. But it's something that I want to keep exercising for a long time.

So about two weeks ago I started reading Catcher in the Rye. Why you ask? Well I had been wanting to for quite a while because I realized that being stuck in the house so much, all I do is watch TV and go on the internet for hours on end. I could feel myself start to get dumber and dumber each day by not expanding my mind. I used to love reading as a kid, but I guess somehow my obsession with movies and television took over my mind. Not to mention, the obligation of having to read and analyze books in school just took the fun out of it. So for a very long time, I rejected books, I loathed them, I thought reading was such a pain. Then a while back, I realized that I had to start reading again. And we have a bunch of books in the house, but the only ones that would really interest me were the ones I had from high school. So I started with Catcher in the Rye and I finished it in two days.

I then decided that I would read every book I had read in high school...or not read. The truth is, most of the books I read in high school, I read half-way and sparknoted the rest. So it will probably be like I'm reading all of them for the first time. I'm reading To Kill a Mockingbird right now, I'm half-way through. In any case, I feel the same way I did when I was kid in terms of reading. I love it. I kind of wish now that I was in English class so I could school everybody when it came to analyzing. Looking back I could've done so much better in school if I hadn't been so goddamn lazy. Anywho, it's bad to have regrets in life.

I forgot how much I missed writing here. I haven't written lately probably because I've had nothing to write about, but with this newfound wisdom I'll be writing a lot more. It really is therapeutic for me. :)

Song of the day: World Spins Madly On- The Weepies

Until next time

Sary

the big 2-0

Today is my birthday. I'm 20 years old. I'm no longer a teenager. Today has been a whirlwind of emotions. Nostalgia because I have to say goodbye to my teenage years. Excitement because I am ready to take on my 20's. Gratitude because the outpour of love I have received today from my friends and family has been amazing. I don't know what it is, but right now I'm in such a moment of clarity....like I know exactly how I want to spend my 20's and not waste all the time I did in my teenage years by being depressed and pessimistic and mean. I want to live life to the fullest for the next ten years and just be happy all the time, try and look on the bright side of things. I am so thankful for everything in my life right now.

It's funny, but every year, writing in my blogger, looking back on the past year I reflect on how much I've changed since my last birthday. But this year, I feel like I'm still the same person from last year, just with a different set of goals, with a different outlook on life. Things will change starting now. I can't wait to see what the next 10 years will be like....then I'll be 30....jesus......

Song of the day: A Melody, the Memory- Mae

Until next time

Sary

ouchhh

Thought I'd squeeze in an entry before I go study for my math test tomorrow. Spring break was really fun, which is great because last year was kinda meh. I literally spent every day of the week with my entire family which I loved. Having only one sister and coming from a small immediate family, I always love when I get to hang out with the extended family because there's so many! 25 of us went up to the volcano the other day. So much fun....even though the volcano was fogged up haha.

And recently I've been watching The Wonder Years. Seriously? One of the best american sitcoms EVER. I remember watching it when I was 6, 7, 8 years old or something and loving it, it really defined my childhood to an extent. But watching it now, I realized I could never really appreciate it for what it was, what it meant to a generation. I mean, back then all I was really hoping for was for Kevin and Winnie to kiss hahaha. But now it just means so much more to me, considering everything I've been through in the past 2 years. I don't know, watching it has just caused a lot of self-reflection recently.

I'm going to start spinning this week. I'm sick of this shit. I need to lose a lot of weight. And I'm going to do it. I can't not.

I've been downloading a lot of good music lately, after a pretty nasty dry spell. Oldies of course. School starts again tomorrow. Let the stress fest begin again! And I have a test. A math test. Which I should probably go study for right now before I watch Up in the Air :)

Oh, on another note, I ripped my toenail off today.a;sdlfkas;dlf. I almost fainted, at the sight of my own blood. Probably the most gruesome thing that has happened to my body. Great way to end my vacation!

I promise to start writing more, things have just been pretty hectic. For now I'll leave you with this:

Song of the day: Here Comes the Sun- Richie Havens

Until next time

Sary

i think

I want to go back to the late 90's. I think everyone has a period in their life that they consider the best, the one they cherish the most. Surprisingly, the time from when I was about 8-10 years old is where some of my most precious memories are, the place that I miss the most...I think I've been trying to get back there ever since. But since we don't have time machines yet, I'll satisfy myself with music and shows from that era, hence me watching Dawson's Creek for the past week and listening to Sarah McLachlan and Edwin McCain.

I don't care what anyone says, the 90's were the greatest fucking decade ever.

Song of the day: I'll Be- Edwin McCain

Until next time

Sary

confusion

ughhh fuck me.

Just when I thought I had everything figured out, I'm more confused than ever....I have no idea what I want to do with my life....well I kind of do, but it's gonna be freaking hard.

Crazy times

I've had a weird past couple of days.

Yesterday:

I awoke to my mom telling me to get ready because we had to go to a funeral. REWIND. "What?!" It turns out my dad's best friend mom died. I never met her but I really love my dad's friend, I've known him since I was a few months old. I was a little hesitant to go at first, but I wanted to go to support him. I had never been to a funeral so I had no idea what to expect. Was I going to see my first dead body? Anyways, another friend came to pick us up at noon and off we went to the service.

He seemed a little worried in the car and I asked what was wrong. He told us that he had just driven over the bridge to get to our house and saw a girl peering over the edge. His mom was in the car with him and said, " Hey look, she's probably gonna jump!" They both laughed and didn't think anything of it. As we were driving back down the bridge, we saw police cars and firetrucks on the side of the road. We were all thinking the same thing and hoping that it wasn't true. Sure enough, the girl jumped off and killed herself. I never saw her, but just the fact that he had seen her minutes before and now she was dead....he told us later he had thought about pulling over to talk to her, but he never did.

So it turns out we got to the service late, and ended up not going to the burial because it was too far away which I was happy about because I wasn't sure I could handle it. But seeing all those people there at the church made me think about what would happen when one of my family members died. The only person I've really known who has died is my grandma, but I wasn't as close with her as my other grandma, my paternal grandma. That was almost 6 years ago now. My mom and I were talking about what would happen when she and my grandpa died. I don't even want to think about that day. The entire extended family will just be destroyed and I will be inconsolable to say the least.

All in all, yesterday was a big day of reflection for me, something I wasn't expecting at all when I woke up. So it was kind of a crazy day.

Then today the entire world stopped because of the earthquake in Chile and the tsunami in Hawaii. Watching it all unfold on the news made it look like a movie. I was really scared, not because we were in danger, but seeing all those other people whose homes had been destroyed in Chile and the people just waiting for the tsunami to come in Hawaii....it was just something straight out of a movie. Watching it made me realize that one day, some huge natural disaster will happen and there'll be nothing we can do about it, just like today. Except today, a lot of people got extremely lucky.

So I don't know, yesterday and today just made me realize how freaking fragile our lives are, that they could go at any minute. And I've always known that I suppose, but the last two days just made it more tangible, more real. Weird feelings, weird vibes around me all day. Hopefully I can just take everything in and not let it affect me so much, but it really has opened my eyes.

Anyways, almost 2 more months till I turn 20. Whoooopeeeee.....

Song of the day: Waterfalls- TLC

Until next time

Sary

plus side

The only good thing about this heat wave is that I get to sleep with the fan on :) I don't know why I love that so much. I guess it's because it reminds me of hot summer nights back home, going to Chris's house, watching The Goonies, then coming home with all the windows down in the car and not feeling cold at all, then getting into bed and sleeping with the windows open and the fan on....haha I know it doesn't sound exciting but it's little things like that that just make me the happiest person in the world.

I really need to post the list of small things that make me happy...next time.

My goal for this week is STILL to write my resumé and start sending it out...haven't done that yet but I will!

For now I'll leave you with a new music discovery....well not really new, but...you know.

Song of the day: Fader- The Temper Trap

Until next time

Sary

Unwrap you like peppermints

Good evening!

I have absolutely nothing to do but I'm in such a calm state of mind, I figured right now would be perfect to write. Today was super hot all day, but as soon as the sun set it got sooo nice. It reminded me of summer nights back home when it felt good to roll the window down in the car at night and sleep with the windows open. Ahh, just thinking about it puts me in a good mood. That's definitely at the top of my "Simple Pleasures of Life" list. I should write all of them down in the next entry!

So I finally got my I.D. and my driver's license which means I am officially a Costa Rican citizen. I was honestly more excited about the driver's license haha. I can finally freaking drive now. I started exercising again after about 3 months. Starting up again is always hard because you feel out of shape but you just gotta get back in the rhythm again. But I'm not going to the gym, screw that. I haaate going to the gym, although the one thing I will really miss is that cute guy that I always saw haha. He probably has a girlfriend though with my luck. Instead of the gym, I'm just running around my neighborhood which is really good to run in. I'm going to try to run at least 3 or 4 times a week....no 4. Let's say 4.

I started messing around with photoshop again and it's so much fun! I got really, really good at one point about 6 months ago but stopped for some reason, so I'm re-learning all the cool tricks I learned before. I also started drawing again, I'm working on Freddie Mercury right now. It's definitely one of the harder ones I've had to do.

Running, drawing, using Photoshop, whatever, it all keeps my mind busy which is what I really need. I need to feel like I'm not wasting my time in the house all day and I need to feel productive as well. I think mentally, I'm pretty stable right now, as far as not losing my mind to boredom goes. My next step is to get set financially- I NEED A JOB. Goal next week is to write my resumé and just start sending it everywhere. I need my own money so I can stop asking my parents and hopefully pay for the car so we won't have to sell it. You have no idea how sad it's made me this past week. It's like the one thing that really made me happy here is being taken away after only 4 months. Anyways, I'm hoping that works out.

I've found it's really easier to not feel like I'm just wasting oxygen by setting goals for myself every week. They don't have to be huge, just something like "type out my resumé" or "Study for the test a week earlier". Little things like that. It really makes me feel like I accomplished something regardless of how big or small it is. Anywho, my eyes are getting tired. I've spent all weekend doing this huge project for math, I should finish it by tomorrow....well I kinda have to, it's due on Monday haha. Have a good night whoever you are, wherever you are.

Song of the day: Who Needs Shelter- Jason Mraz

Until next time

Sary

Later, Bruce

"Random thoughts, Valentine's day 2010. Today is a day invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap."

And on that note, my parents told me today that they're selling the Volkswagen.

Best Valentine's day EVER.

Floating in Space

Ugh, I've been meaning to write for the longest time, but I've been going to bed at like 3 a.m. everyday.

Not much to write about except that the car has been in the shop for like two weeks and it's going to cost more than $400 to fix it....fuck my life. It honestly doesn't bother me, I'm paying for half of it anyway, but the part that I can't stand is my parents bitching about it and saying I told you so.

I seriously need a job. Like now. I'm going to make my resumé this weekend....if I have time haha. I'm going up to the mountain house this weekend, FINALLY! I've been waiting for like 2 months now. It's going to be so nice to just go up and get away from everything for a while, even though I have a crapload of homework to do while I'm up there.

Valentine's day is on Sunday.....yet another year goes by and I'm alone. It's ridiculous how much I want to be with someone for once....ugh JEEEEEZE.

AAAANYWAYS.

I'm listening to "Screaming Infidelities" right now and it totally reminds me of middle school haha. OH, I've been catching up on Ghost Hunters recently, watching all the episodes I've missed since summer of '08 haha. It's so good, I love that show. I seriously have to catch up on Smallville too :/

I was reading some old notes I got in high school from Allie and Casey and they're sooo funny, but they make me soooo nostalgic....looking back life seemed so much simpler, but at the time it felt like the hardest thing in the world....if I knew then what I know now haha.....

I honestly do wish I could go back though. Maybe I'd tell myself what not to do in the future. It would've saved me some serious heartache. Anyways, pretty senseless post, but I wanted to get one in. I'll write again on Sunday, I promise.

Song of the day: New Perspective- Panic! at the Disco

Until next time

Sary

500 days of what just happened?

alksdjf;

I'm freaking out. I have A.D.D. right now for some reason and I'm really hyper, just restless. So in the midst of my depression, something weird happened today that lifted my spirits.

I met a boy.

But I can't even describe what it was like. I don't want to sound all mushy and naive but it's that thing where you meet someone and you feel something? I don't even freaking know, but I know immediately when I like a guy and at first it's just instant infatuation but this time it was different...I mean yes, infatuation was there but something else was there too. I don't want to say "connection" because that's lame but it was definitely along those lines. But that's not the weirdest part.

The weirdest part is that Tuesday I rented two movies, one of them being 500 Days of Summer (I'm in love with it by the way). So I opted to watch the first one yesterday and I saw 500 today. THE WEIRD THING IS....it describes my exact situation right now. But not just that, my entire ideology on the whole conundrum that is love and what I do, and how I feel, and how I act, and the way I make up these completely non-realistic fantasies in my head. I can honestly say I've never connected so much with a movie than this one. Amazing.

So I have decided that this time I will not screw everything up and take the movie as a sign that this could actually work this time. We shall see. Isn't it amazing how life just sneaks up on you?

Song of the day: Sweet Disposition- The Temper Trap

Until next time

Sary

Elephant

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel really confident and feel like no one can touch you? I'm having one of those days for some reason....

So I'm writing an entry in the morning which is odd for me. I usually write at night so I can reflect on everything I did throughout the day, but I have a lot of time to kill before I go to school, I start at 2:15 now.

My homesickness has not gone away at all, actually it's getting progressively worse throughout the week. I can't believe a week ago I was still back home. I really have to stop though, thinking about it so much I mean. It's only going to make the days go by slower and December is going to seem like a lifetime away. In the meantime I have to figure out something to do, I have to keep my mind busy to not think about home so much. I'm going to make an effort to start being more social with my friends here. I already have plans to go to the beach next weekend with some of them, hopefully I'll have some fun so I won't be so pathetic moping around the house all day.

Looks like I left home just in time though because they're having awful weather right now. Here it couldn't be nicer- 79 degrees and clear skies with the most delicious breeze....it does remind me of home constantly though so I guess it's not that great haha. In any case, I'm ichatting with Allie tonight so maybe I'll feel better after that...or worse who knows. I'm off to eat some taquitos now!

Song of the day: All Mixed Up- Red House Painters

Until next time,

Sary

As You May Have Noticed

I haven't written in about two months.

So much has happened since I last wrote: I finished my third quarter of school, went back home to Cali, discovered some awesome new music, had a falling out with a friend, made up with a friend, came back home, reached a new level of depression.

My experience of going back home was so crazy I can't even begin to describe it. On the spectrum of feelings though, I was definitely on both extremes. I've felt the happiest I've ever felt in my life and the saddest I can honestly say. Going back home really just made things worse though.

I miss it now more than I ever have, I miss my friends more than I ever have. But I do feel somewhat changed; I experienced things and situations that I had never experienced before and now I feel more equipped to confront similar things in the future. It was definitely a growing experience.

Realizing how CONSUMED I was with school last quarter and remembering how good it felt to just let my hair down with my friends back home, I decided that I really need to focus on myself and become the best possible person I can be. I discovered many of my own faults (more than I would have liked to) but it's good because now I know that other people see them too, and I can start working on improving myself, one day at a time.

First up is to start writing more in this blog. I really neglected it last year, especially towards the latter half, and I realized one of the reasons why I felt so trapped and claustrophobic is because I had stopped writing here. It really is therapeutic for me to get everything out that is bothering me, because lord knows I can't talk to anyone about it here. Also, I decided to actually start writing some full-length songs. Ever since I learned how to play guitar I always play around with chords and stuff, but have never written a full-fledged song. I think writing some will help me get all of these repressed feelings out. Red House Painters have definitely inspired me. I guess I'll consider these my unofficial New Year's resolutions.

In any case, I promise to start writing more and keep you updated. Writing helps the weeks go by faster for some reason. And as of now, the end of the year is the only thing that is keeping me motivated.

Song of the day: Homesick- Kings of Convenience

Until next time

Sary

blooger

I'm thinking of doing a video diary when I get back home. Like, a video for each day á la Shay-mode. What do you think? I think that would be tight.

Sorry I haven't updated....school. You know how it goes. But I get out in two weeks so definitely expect more updates soon.

Song of the day: Roslyn- Bon Iver

Until next time

Sary

no tiiiime

So I totally forgot that it was my blogger's birthday last month haha! 3 years and running....I'm proud of myself :)

Ummm let's see a few things to talk about, I've just been so busy with my fucking legislation class which is the biggest waste of my life and the professor is the biggest douche-bag I've ever met....I mean he makes Spencer Pratt look like a standup guy. His class will probably take up my entire weekend.

So I'm taking the Bug to the shop on Saturday just to make sure that everything is working okay, the Yankees are probably gonna win the world series in the next inning (FMFL), only a little more than a month before I go back home, and I'm going to make an effort to update more regularly again. Sorry if I seem a little scatter brained right now but my mind is somewhere else and I just really wanted to get an entry in. I'm gonna go draw now :)

Song of the day: Low Rising- The Swell Season

Until next time

Sary