aha!

i'm in a rather good mood tonight and i don't want to go to bed on a serious note, so i'll write my entry about feminism for another time haha. for a little levity, here's a survey. enjoy :)

Random
Do you have any pets?	Yes, a dog named Andrew
What color shirt are you wearing?	White
Name three things that are physically close to you:	The pillow, the laptop case, and my sleeping great aunt on the floor hahaha
What is the last book you read?	A book about Angels
Are you or were you a good student?	I was a very good student
What's your favorite sport?	Futbol!
Do you enjoy sleeping late?	yesss
What's the weather like right now?	Calm, still, cloudless night
Who tells the best jokes?	Natalia
What was the last thing you dreamed about?	Kelso!
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?	Yes. No, some jackass crashed into me
Do you believe in karma?	Yes
Do you believe in luck?	Yes
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?	Both. Depends on what mood I'm in
Do you collect anything? If so, what?	Um, Superman and Smallville memorabilia
Are you proud of yourself?	To a certain extent
Are you reliable?	Yes
Have you ever given money to a bum?	Yes
What's your favorite food?	Anything Italian
Have you ever had a secret admirer?	Um Yes
Do you like the smell of gasoline?	Yes!
Do like to draw?	Yeah, I'm not very good though :/
What's your favorite invention?	Photo Booth? Or the iPod maybe.
Is your room messy?	Nope. I like it clean.
What do you like better: oranges or apples?	Oranges
Do you give in easily?	Um, yes.
Are you a good guesser?	Yes! I swear I'm psychic.
Can you read other people's expressions?	Very well, most of the time.
Are you a bully?	No!
Do you have a job?	Haha not as of yet.
What time did you wake up this morning?	8:42
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?	Gallopinto with sour cream and a roll of bread
When was the last time you showered?	Today
What do you plan on doing tomorrow?	Going to Rosie's maybe?
What's your favorite day of the week and why?	Friday, because it's the end of the week and I finally feel like I can breathe
Do you have any nicknames?	Sary, Sarines, Sar, Toad, Nelli, Baby Toad, Baby Nelli, the list goes on
Have you ever been scuba diving?	No, I wish, but I don't think I'd have the guts with my fear of the ocean.
What's your least favorite color?	Pink
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who?	Um there WAS. Not anymore. Oh, and Casey and Chris :/
Would you ever go skydiving?	Yes
What toothpaste do you use?	Colgate
Do you enjoy challenges?	I guess
What's the worst injury you have had?	Um, I scraped my knee in 2nd grade like a MOTHER
What's the last movie you saw?	Does Naruto count? My cousins are geeks.
What do you want to know about the future?	If I'm ever going to make movies or get married
What does your last text message say?	Some message from ICE
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to?	Mom
What's your favorite school subject?	Psych or history
What's your least favorite school subject?	Mathhhh
Would you rather have money or love?	Love, duh.
What is your dream vacation?	Prague or Provence
What is your favorite animal?	Penguin, Elephant, Dolphin
Do you miss anyone right now?	Enormously
What's the last sporting event you watched?	Costa Rica vs. El Salvador. We won thank you very much!
Do you need to do laundry?	Um, not this week.
Do you listen to the radio?	Not really since I've been here
Where were you when 9/11 happened?	Waking up. It was all over once I got to school.
What do you do when vending machines steal your money?	Curse, in my head.
Have you ever caught a butterfly?	Yes! Butterfly farms are nifty for that
What color are your bed sheets?	White with stripes of all colors of the rainbow
What's your ringtone?	Sweeeeeeeeeet Emooooooooooootion
Who was the last person to make you laugh?	Tia Ginette
Do you have any obsessions right now?	Smallville, what's new.
Do you like things that glow in the dark?	Yes
What's your favorite fruity scent?	Mango?
Do you watch cartoons?	Mmm, only Superman, when it's on.
Have you ever sat on a roof?	NO!
Have you ever been to a different country?	Haha, I think so.
Name three things in the world you dislike:	Global Warming, Murderers, The Yankees
Name three people in the world you dislike:	Aw. Well. Okay, Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez, Osama Bin Laden
Has a rumor even been spread about you?	Um, maybe. I don't remember
Do you like sushi?	NO. EFF SUSHI
Do you believe in magic?	Sure
Do you hold grudges?	Ugh, I try not to, but more times than not I do.
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at PimpSurveys.com

God, my arms hurt from playing Wii all day. Believe it or not, it took me an hour and a half to post this stupid entry. Technical difficulties. Anyways, I think I'll go work on my faux-trailer for a little bit. I promise when I finish it I'll post it up. It's gonna be SIIIICK.

Song of the day: From Where You Are- Lifehouse

Until next time

Sary

growing up

Sorry about my useless rants lately; I want to get back into these philosophical discussions ( well, they're not really discussions because no one else discusses them with me haha) but seriously, I want to get back into these important ideas and sharing my thoughts.

So a few minutes ago I got into a fight with my mom. Well, it wasn't really a fight, it kinda went like this:

I was brushing my hair, and she said, " Aren't you going to straighten it for tomorrow?" And I said, "No I'm going to wash it tomorrow." And she said, "Why do you wash your hair so much?" Now mind you, we've had this discussion many times before. She's told me a million times that I wash my hair too much when I reassure her that I don't. So you can imagine my frustration when I semi-yelled, " I only wash it every two days!" in a rather annoyed tone.....why did I even bother?

She, of course, threw a shit-fit and in her rant said something along the lines of " You're so disrespectful, what's the matter with you, you've gotten out of control since you came here...."

Out of control. Give me a break. So now, the fact that I told her that I wash my hair every two days in an annoyed voice means that I'm out of control. I'd hate to think what going out every night, getting drunk and doing drugs would be categorized as. 

The truth is (and I feel horrible about this) a part of me really wanted my parents to come, because I hadn't seen them in two months. But another even bigger part of me, didn't want them to come. I had been perfectly happy for the last two months, with no one telling me what to do, no one yelling at me, no one over my shoulder watching my every move. And I knew for a fact that when they got here, everything would start all over again just like it was back home. 

I've always said that 18 isn't a really big age for me. I mean sure you're an adult in the eyes of the law, but I know a bunch of people who are 18 and are so immature, they don't even deserve the word. 18 is just a number. But I've come to realize that that's the card I'm going to have to play. When this whole thing blows up and my parents and I have a confrontation, I'm going to have to tell them that I'm 18, I can do what I want, and they can't tell me what to do anymore. And that's something that I never wanted to do, and never saw myself doing. Every single day for the last two weeks, it's been: "Make your bed, don't eat that, go to bed, blah blah blah blah blah!!!" 

I am not a baby. And in case you haven't noticed I've been fine for the past two months without you here. And I know that there's no way I can say that without sounding completely stuck up or childish. Ironic, isn't it. I just want to be left alone. 

So my question for today is, at what age are our parents not allowed to tell us what to do anymore? Well a certain part of me knows that we can be 50 years old and our parents will tell us what to do, and we have to follow orders to a certain extent. But how long, what does it take for our parents to realize that we can take care of ourselves, and we can make decisions on our own?

If you know or have any advice, pleeease let me know haha. 

Song of the day: 11/22- Buddy

Until next time

Sary

Dorothy!

There's a twister outside, I swear. These are worse than the Santa Ana's. But it's actually cold wind, so I guess that's the only good part :/

I've been having trouble sleeping lately and I am SO not sleepy so I thought I'd update. I love you blogger, I really do.

I guess the only thing I can really write about tonight is how much I miss home. Yes, I know we've all heard many times, but it's true. I don't remember if I said this here, but I told someone, I forget who. Anyways, the thing is that when I left home, I thought the move would get easier over time. Like, I would be completely depressed at first, but after a few months or weeks, it would get better. Well, it's turned out to be the complete opposite. My nostalgia and desire to move back has increased drastically lately. I miss everything.

I miss the street lights.

I miss Newport Blvd.

I miss driving in a place where people actually follow the rules of the road. 

I miss Jamba Juice.

I miss Starbucks!

I miss everything being 20 minutes away or less.

I miss the radio.

I miss PCH.

I miss the Disneyland fireworks.

I miss my house :(

I miss my friends.

Most of all, I miss Casey and Chris.

Being away from them has been the worst. I miss their faces and their laughs, and joking about the most RANDOM, IDIOTIC stuff. Haha, I miss flopping around on Casey's couch and watching movies, not wanting to get up. I miss Chris's funny parents and George Lopez inside jokes. I miss the secrets, I even miss the fights and the times where they did something so retarded that I would go on a cursing rampage while rolling my eyes :/

God, I'm so pathetic. I wish this entry wasn't so lame, and I know most of my posts lately have been depressing, but it's how I'm feeling. You try moving to a different country where you don't know anyone. 

I guess the only thing left to do is wait it out. I'll start school in two months and meet a whole bunch of new people, make new friends, even maybe (knock on wood) find a significant other finally, and hopefully I can go and visit next Christmas and Chris and Casey can come visit me sooner than that. 

I was just thinking about what picture I should put up (because I've been adding pictures to all my entries recently) and I realized that I don't even have a picture of the three of us. We should've taken one the last night we were all together....

... well, that's the first thing I'm going to do when we're all together again. 

Goodnight.

Song of the day: Eyes- Rogue Wave

Until next time

Sary

thankful

there's an earthquake at this very moment fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!holy shit a;sdlkf

*****

oh my god hahah what are the odds? well that's what happens to me when there's an earthquake hahaha. whew. that was a long one. like 30 seconds! well anyways. that totally got me out of the mood i was in haha. anyways, i'm sorry i haven't updated AGAIN, but I'll try to be the least verbose that i can. basically

we bought a new house in costa! and it's in a totally nice neighborhood with no potholes and the streets actually have names! hahah. basically i have so much to be thankful for lately. my parents and andrew got here safely (bearing gifts) and we found a house for an incredible price within 3 days of getting here. seems like this move is turning out for the better and everything is going according to plan. luck is definitely on our side. 

anyways, i'm going to TRY and get some sleep and hope there's not another earthquake :/  

Song of the day: Love is a Losing Game- Amy Winehouse

Until next time

Sary

Remember, Remember

Wow. 

Tuesday night was amazing. Words cannot describe. There I was watching Wolf on CNN, Obama was leading by A LOT, but I still didn't want to jinx it. McCain still had the slightest chance of winning. But I still felt really hopeful. Then it was the top of the hour, they started a new session, and Wolf said, " It is official, Barack Obama has just been elected the new president of the United States." Or something like that. 

And immediately I thought, "He did it." We did it. Seeing his picture up there on the screen and thinking that was the next president of the United States, the first African- American president, I really couldn't believe it. And his speech at Grant Park was just incredible. 

He could've really excited the crowd, and reiterated the fact that we had won and made a really big show of it all, but instead he said " We've got a steep climb ahead of us. And it will not be easy" quoting one of my heroes, Dr. Martin Luther King.

Sitting on my bed, with my eyes glued to the television, I had this overwhelming feeling that I was watching history unfold. And yes, I know we've heard it all a million times. But we will also all remember where we were when we first found out he won, when we saw him speak at Grant Park. I've always thought that the best years in American history were the '60's. Yes, despite the Vietnam war and some crazy fashion statements, the '60's was a time of revolution, where people actually cared about this country and this world and weren't afraid to stand up to what they believed in. It was a time of the administration of John F. Kennedy, a time of the civil rights movement, a time of Martin Luther King. And since then, I've felt that America has not had an era of equal importance. Lately, the only thing anyone cares about is who won Dancing with the stars. And I felt ashamed that we as a country didn't fight for anything anymore, especially the things we believed in, because let's face it, we didn't believe in anything. And with the economy in such a bad state, fighting two wars overseas, and millions of people losing their homes, things were looking pretty grim. 

And then a senator from Illinois decided to run for president. Barack Obama winning the presidential election was way more than "the first black president" for me. Yes, the fact that he will be the new president vindicates his ancestors and the millions of countless faces of African-Americans who have been segregated and discriminated for thousands of years. But to me, his winning the election gives people the hope that they have been so desperately searching for in the last few years. Finally! Someone who inspires people, who renews their faith in mankind, who unites people across the country!

I admire him so much for being so courageous in running precisely at this moment, when his tasks as a president will require more from him than any man before him. The obstacles that he has to overcome, that we must overcome, are greater than anything a first-term president has ever had to deal with. He knows the burden he has to carry for all of us, the pressures of being president at this time, the danger of being him right now, and I thank him for his courage and bravery. 

He is not the change that everyone has been talking about, I don't think so anyway. I think he is the first stepping stone, the catalyst to that change we all desperately need and want to "form a more perfect union." He is just the first line of the first chapter of better times ahead. 

The reason why I'm writing so much about him right now is because I simply feel inspired, as I have been recently haha. But he just takes it to a different level. I not only feel inspired for myself, but I feel inspired for the rest of the country, and in turn the rest of the world. 

Again, sitting on my bed watching him speak at Grant Park, I knew that this was a defining moment in our history. I couldn't help but cry, listening to his words, watching everyone come together to witness him as well, and the emotion that he evoked in everyone. It was just a magical moment. I cannot wait to see what the future will bring for us, and for him.

Song of the day: Those Sweet Words- Norah Jones

Until next time

Sary

Inspired

I want everything to do with this project as possible. I love it. It inspires me. I've never been so excited about a website in my life! haha. But it's not just a website. It's a business that advocates compassion and understanding between all groups of people on all walks of life. It's such an amazing and honorable idea. And the fact that I am so inspired by this foundation just proves that it is accomplishing what it set out to do. To inspire people.

Just a few days ago, I was feeling like my life was going nowhere, I didn't know what I was going to do, and I felt apathetic towards everything. But now, I want to get out there, pursue my dreams and accomplish my goals. The funny thing is, I don't want to just accomplish the goals that I've had for some time now. Since last night, I've been thinking of all the other things I could do in my life, and everything that awaits me if I just set my mind to it. So not only do I think I can accomplish what I set out to do, I think I can accomplish everything I have yet to think of. I know I can.

here is the website. check it out. buy a t-shirt. I've already got about 6 lined up! haha. 

MONDONATION

and thanks to my friend Simon for this awesome new music discovery.

Artist of the day: Erik Satie

Until next time

Sary

don't want to go to sleep yet

alas, here i am! gosh, i really am neglecting this thing. which is weird, considering the fact that i basically have no one to talk to here except my cousins, you would think i would write here more often to get all my feelings out. 

today was the second day in a row that it didn't rain! it was so nice to actually see the sun and that actually did cheer me up. but what was even better was the sunset. i've said it before and i'll say it again, Costa Rica has the prettiest sunsets ever. i spent 15 minutes in front of my window just staring at it. it's times like those that are so beautiful that i wish i had a boyfriend, or a friend, just someone to share it with. but i don't think that'll happen until i start school and actually start meeting people and making friends. 

so i'm listening to a really sweet instrumental by Josh Kelley right now. his new album came out, and there's only one good song on it....surprise, surprise haha. if i find it, i'll put it up here so you can listen. but it's amazing how relaxed and optimistic it makes me feel. isn't it amazing how one song can change your mood completely, or take you back to a specific place or time instantly? Gosh I love those kind of songs. For the most part, the songs that remind me of someplace or time all have to do with california. The beach, or my house, or driving up Santa Clara over the bridge. To be honest though, they get me so nostalgic that I've been avoiding them ever since i got here. 

But regardless that's the power of music. To quote the master, Mr. Buckley, " Music in itself is so audacious to me." God that's so true. Can you imagine a world without music? I can't. It's almost like an element, an essential part of life. And it's so universal. I don't know, to me it's like a language that everyone can understand. And making it? Listening to it is one thing, but when you're making it, when you have an instrument in your hand, that's just a completely different experience. It's kind of like after you work out, or when you're with someone you really like haha. It gives you endorphines, and to me, it's almost an out of body thing. I just can't explain the way i feel with my guitar in my hands. It just feels right. 

Ugh, anyways, I'm babbling. Truth be told, I'm feeling pretty lonely tonight and wanted to write. I've come to realize that my blogger is now a dear friend. Well, it's always been, but i'm just now realizing it. It's always here, ready to hear my thoughts :)

On another note, James Morrison FINALLY released a new album, and I have to say I am a little disappointed, but it does have some memorable tracks. Goodnight!

Song of the day: Broken Strings- James Morrison

Until next time

Sary

******************* AND I TOTALLY FORGOT TO ADD!!!*********************

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOGGER!!! HAHA TWO YEARS ONLINE NOW!!

i look back on the first year i had this thing, and it's like reading about a different person....but at the same time, i'm still exactly the same :)

One fine day

I've been neglecting my poor blogger lately. I'm sorry!

But today is one of those days. You know, the rainy kind, where you want nothing more than to wear your favorite sweater and sweat pants, the lights are low in the house, you snuggle up under the covers, put on a pot of coffee, and watch your favorite movie or listen to your favorite music? Well it's what I'm doing at this moment. I figured I'd be proactive and not complain about the rain so much and take advantage of it. I know I said I'd write about music today, but I have to put it off once again. I feel like writing a lot today, and I have a few things to get off my chest. 

First I want to tell you about my weekend. It was a lot of fun. On Friday, I went out with my cousin Natalia and some of her friends from work. Unfortunately for me, most of the guys were in their 30's haha, so no luck there. But they were all pretty cool. First we went to this bar called Longhorns (how more gringo could you get man?). But it was SUCH a cool bar! I only had one drink while everyone else was getting pretty much wasted. My tolerance level is really low still haha, but honestly I don't care if it gets higher or not. I'm not a big drinker. Anyways, I saw a bunch of very attractive guys there :) I wanted to go and say something to some of them, but I figured I'll sit back and observe for now. Ticos are very different from gringos, and I still haven't figured them out quite yet haha.

After Longhorns we went to this new casino by the airport called Fiesta. Mm-hmm. It was a really nice casino though. It felt like being in Vegas. For the first time ever I played the slots! It's really boring actually but I made about 750 colones, which is about a buck and a half hahah. But I loved the whole ambience of the place. Live band, dance floor, go-go dancers haha. But honestly, after about the first hour I was over it. Unfortunately we stayed for another hour and a half and we ended up getting home at 3. My cousin could barely make it up the stairs haha. What a sight. I've realized that pretty much my entire family is amazing for getting tipsy. They all love to drink! No alcoholics though thankfully. 

Okay, now on to the other stuff. This is something I have trouble with, and am trying to overcome: Initiative. In some aspects of my life I have it, in others I don't. Where do I have it? With my friends. If I ever get in a fight or argument, or if something is bothering the other person I always take the initiative and am the first one to say something. Where do I not have it? In pursuing my goals. They always say the first step is the hardest in realizing your dreams, and it definitely rings true for me. Simply put, I am very lazy. And I hate that about myself. I was supposed to call my college counselor about a month ago and I still haven't. I was supposed to read this book to help my spanish a week ago and I still haven't. I was supposed to shave my legs this morning and I didn't haha. You see what I mean? I have a problem with initiative and procrastination. I know those things I just listed are small, but if I don't take care of this problem now, soon this lack of initiative will cross over into the more important areas of my life. I think the key is passion. If I was as passionate about all these things as I am about my friends and family, then I would be on the right track. I just have to find a way or reason to care about these things. But what scares me is that I SHOULD already care about them. Is apathy taking over my life?

I don't know the answer. But it is definitely something I have to work on. Sorry about the somber atmosphere in here, but on a happier note, Ray Lamontagne's new album is amazing :) And I can't wait for Halloween next weekend. 

Song of the day: Someone Like You- Van Morrison

Until next time

Sary

I love it

          "This was my morning"           

                                               

I had SUCH a good day today! And I honestly have no idea why, because it wasn't anything spectacular. I got up around 9, ate breakfast, took a shower, and headed out with my grandpa to do some errands. We drove around Chepe to the optometrist, the bank, Fischel, etc., and it was a beautiful morning for the most part. It's so weird to see the people drive here. Well, I'm not sure if "weird" is the best word to describe it..."astonishing" is better haha. 

Honest to God, people make their own rules and lanes here. It's crazy. The other day we were at a stoplight and first in line was a moped, a cop, and then us. The light was red of course, and the guy on the moped got frustrated because it was taking a long time, so he just went for it and sped off, right in front of the cop! Do you think he did anything? Nope. Haha. He just looked at the guy next to him in the other lane and just laughed about it. It's little things like that that make me smile and say "Only in Costa Rica". 

So after our errands and stuff, we came back, ate lunch, and had an amazing nap. I've gotten used to that here now. After lunch, EVERYONE goes and takes a little siesta. I usually just lay down and watch TV because I can never fall asleep during the day, but today I actually slept. Anywho, after that I started working on this fake trailer that I'm making for Smallville. Yes, roll your eyes if you want to, but it's freaking tiiiiight. It looks real. And I gotta use Final Cut for something right? Otherwise what's the point? But I love editing. Maybe even more than directing. The whole thing is like a puzzle. And once you get the idea mapped out in your head, you lay all the clips out and play around with them, and then slowly but surely, it all unfolds and starts to make sense, exactly the way you envisioned it. I'm about a minute in right now. I think you can post videos on this thing...maybe when I'm done I'll post it up here.

I guess another reason why I'm in such a good mood is because I have discovered some awesome new music. I LOVE it when that happens. "Fleet Foxes" are my new favorite discovery. Strongly recommend them. And Ray LaMontagne's new single is amazing, as all his music is. His new album comes out in a few days. I love that man. 

I had the weirdest dream last night. Well, all my dreams are weird, but I've been remembering them more and more lately. So now I have a better idea of how my dreams work. I never knew if I dreamt in black and white, or color. I always had the idea it was more technicolor. But my dream last nigh was in full color. And at first, I was having the dream from my point of view, but then I was watching myself. I was on this cliff thing and it was like a helicopter aerial shot and I was looking down at myself....but I could still feel the wind on my face. It was so weird. And then it went back to my point of view. I was with someone ( who shall remain nameless) and then I kissed him, and I could feel everything. IT WAS SO COOL! I love it when that happens too haha. 

Anyways, I'm in an exceedingly good mood, which doesn't really happen often so I'm enjoying this right now. Sorry for the useless ranting about my day, but I felt like retelling what happened to me today. Next post will be about music I promise. Speaking of which...

Song of the day: Ragged Wood- Fleet Foxes

Until next time

Sary

I hear a gecko in my room!

Today is one of those days where I simply want to write....or type. I had a pretty awesome entry about music thought out but I think I'll wait till another day. I decided that to exclusively limit this blog to deep, philosophical discussions is kinda dumb. Not that deep, philosophical discussions are bad, in fact, they're what make the world go round hah. But a good story is always awesome. And sometimes an entry doesn't have to have a specific purpose. So basically, I'm going to write about whatever I want....which is what I've been doing for the past 2 years. Groundbreaking.

So I've been keeping up with the Steins- I mean, keeping up with the election back home through CNN here. I never thought I'd actually be excited to watch CNN in my life. Haha, I'm becoming that boring adult that I swore I would never become! No, no, it's good to watch the news. You gotta watch the news to keep yourself informed. Mostly I've been watching to watch Obama and Biden kick McCain and Palin's ARSES haha. Revenge is sweet. Hopefully we can keep up our lead for the next four weeks.

And that's all I feel like writing today. Sorry it wasn't more interesting, but I'm on my bed and my shoulder hurts....and apparently Simon's bugging me to post haha. Have a good night. 

Song of the day: Leave- Glen Hansard

Until next time

Sary

tranquility

Sorry it's been a while. Ten whole days! To be honest I haven't really had any inspiration, but I'm feeling chatty tonight :)

Alors, qu'est-ce que je peux ecrire? Well I've had another small epiphany. I love those, don't you? Not the huge life-changing ones but the small ones that make you think, " Oh yeahhhh!" Just another example of how I think it's the little things in life that count. Anyways, being in Costa Rica has really helped me look at my life back in the states from an outside perspective, like I can see myself, looking into my life from the outside. And what I've realized is that (well I've known this first part for a while now) America is a superficial, consumer-driven, mindless country. I honestly think they are going to blow up the world in the near future, and if not, they will run the entire world straight to the ground. The times we are living right now is living proof of that. America sneezes, and the rest of the world catches pneumonia. America trips, and the rest of the world scrapes their knee. You get what I'm saying.

And because of this capital-seeking mentality, 99.9% of the people in America have no opinion about anything, no means to seek a life beyond their own meaningless one, no intention of connecting with the rest of the world. Everyone calls us the stupidest country in the world, well, because it's true. We are the biggest super power in the world, but the average American can't tell you the capital of Australia, or any other country. What does that say about our ethics? They are flawed.

The point I'm getting at is that America's lack of interest besides The Office, iPods, and fast cars has led me to realize the importance of meeting new people from different parts of the world. You can't really grow as a person unless you travel and meet other people from different cultures so that you can get an idea of the entire world of different lifestyles and ways of thinking besides your own. Knowledge really is power. And it's how you use that power from knowledge that you make a difference in peoples' lives and leave behind a legacy. You can't really know what you want or like until you've seen and tried everything. That's why I think meeting different people from all over is so cool, because you realize that there is an entire different way of living that you've never known. 

So sorry about my anti-patriotism here, I know I was born in America, and it's given me so much in the past 18 years, but if it doesn't overcome its egoism then the rest of the world will suffer, and that's something that affects us all. So yeah, moral of the story: travel, meet new people, appreciate the different worlds of nature, eat stuff you've never eaten before, learn a new language, make banana milkshakes, watch both of the star wars trilogies back to back, drive a Dodge Challenger with a 440 engine, stay up all night talking with your best friend, go TP-ing, scream at the top of your lungs.....

....at least once in your life. Next post I've been wanting to do for a while will be about music.

Song of the day: Heavenly Day- Patty Griffin

Until next time

Sary

Where did that come from?

So I should REALLY be in bed right now. I have to get up in about 5 hours, but I was just about to hop into bed when I stumbled onto something pretty interesting. There is this AMAZING site I go to regularly where I can just express my opinion about the topic at hand, and we get into some really cool discussions sometimes. It's really a safe haven for me, besides this blog. So today the topic was death and I looked at the clock and it was about 1:20. Now usually, it takes me a really long time to figure out what I'm going to say, and even when I write it down I make a whole bunch of revisions. So I knew it would take me awhile to write out my thoughts, and I should have already been in bed, but I started to write anyway. Surprisingly, this was the fastest I had ever typed out what I was thinking. It only took me a few minutes. Anyways, I was pretty proud (and inspired, if I do say so myself) of what I wrote, so I thought I'd share it with you :)

" I have only really known one person who has passed away, and that was my grandmother, four years ago. At that moment it was so surreal, and I couldn’t believe, so much that it took me one week to actually cry.

Death is something that really scares me, partly because I don’t know what it will feel like, and what will happen afterwards, and partly because I am afraid that I possibly might not live my life to its fullest potential.

Over time, I’ve found myself thinking about death during long periods of time and what it all means, to the point where I scare myself out of my wits. But I think the only honest thing I can say about death is that it happens to everyone, it can happen at anytime. Some people die suddenly and within seconds, and for others its a long, painful, drawn out process. I think the only thing we can do, and something that I try do to personally, is not think about death and live in the moment.

I know we all hear this a lot, and I know it gets pretty repetitive, but we really must live life to the fullest. But more importantly, we must focus on the important things in life. At the end of the road, it won’t matter how much our annual income was, or how big our house was, or any other superficial aspects of life. To me, the consumer driven world is all bull. The people we are, the way our friends and family remember us, the legacy we leave behind: that’s what really matters in the end. And to me, that’s all I can hope to do, that is all I strive for.

So in the end, if my friends and family know just how much I really love them, or if I leave behind an idea or legacy that people can look up to, then I think I’ve done all I can do in my life….so by the time I die, I can look back and be pretty happy about my life."

Sorry it's so somber, but I actually think it's quite optimistic too. Anyways, I should really go now. Going to the beach house this weekend with the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It's gonna be so much fun! Hopefully it won't rain as much so we can go in the pool. 

And on another note, I've had THE BIGGEST......urge I guess recently, to sit in the sand at Huntington Beach with Chris and Casey and watch the sunset, with 405 playing in the background. If I could have one wish right now, that would be it.

Song of the day: 405 Acoustic- Death Cab for Cutie

Until next time

Sary

Got it

So many emotions right now, it's hard to keep up. Scared, sad, worried.

Well first of all, my dad is leaving tomorrow morning. And then that's it, I'm here all by myself for the next two months. Granted I have my entire family here, haha, but you know what I mean. I'm away from my parents and my sister. So apart from being scared of living on my own for the first time, I am so worried  for my dad because of the hurricane. He stops in Houston which is right on the Gulf Coast, and the hurricane is going through the Caribbean tomorrow. I hope he gets there okay. 

And something....strange happened to me tonight. I really can't explain it, but basically, I am actually glad to be here now, I know why I'm here, and I have figured out the entire meaning and purpose of my life. It's funny what can happen in 7 minutes. My dad's cousins came tonight to say goodbye to him, and we all sat around talking for awhile. One of them, Erica, was talking about how she used to be like me in the sense that I wanted to live in the States, and that she loved Costa Rica, but she preferred to be over there. And then she said, the thing that made her come here was her mother's last dying breath. 

I was crying by the end of her story, but basically, she told us about the day her mother died, how she was with her on her death bed. If I try to write about it, I won't do it any justice, but the way she spoke, the was she told the story was so moving, and so ominous in a way, because anything to do with death really scares me. She said that the day her mother died, she hadn't opened her eyes in the last three days. And then when she was just minutes away from her death, Erica and her sisters started to say a prayer. The room was completely dark, and one of her sisters had lit a candle. As they were praying, the wax from the candle she was holding was running down the entire length of her arm, and everyone in the room said the prayer with such conviction and confidence, that her mother finally opened her eyes. She said the she looked at her, and it was almost as if a light was coming through her eyes. She said looked so peaceful, and she was so at ease, that she told her, "Mom, it's okay you can go." And then she died. 

I'm telling you, you had to be there in person and hear her telling this story because I got chills and my grandmother and I started crying in front of everyone. Well, the thing is, after that, Erica called her dad and said " I'm staying right here and I'm never going back."

That is what life is. It's being with the people you love, it's doing what you love, it's being in a place that loves you back. There's a certain air and warmness to Costa Rica that you can't find anywhere else, and I'm addicted to it. I'm not being biased either. People from all over the world have said that this is the nicest country they have ever visited, not just because it's beautiful, but because of the people. You won't find people like this anywhere else. And so I realized, as long as I am here and I'm with the people I love, then the rest doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter how much money I make, it doesn't matter what I do, all that matters is that I am home. And now I am certain more than ever that home is here. 

It only took me a week to figure it out, and that's not to say that I don't miss California and all my friends, but I feel as though I've been somewhere else for the last 18 years, and I am finally coming home. Plus, my grandparents aren't getting any younger. I've already had to suffer through the pain of losing a grandmother that I loved so much, but hardly ever got to see. The next time that happens, I'm going to be here with them. 

So I don't know, maybe it's the sadness of my dad leaving me tomorrow, or the fact that I'll be on my own for the next two months, but I finally feel like I understand. Understand what? I don't know. But I understand. 

Song of the day: Morning Theft- Jeff Buckley

Until next time

Sary

I want you so bad...

So I finally got wireless in my grandparent's house, so I am on the Mac once again! How I missed it so. 

Okay, so I've got something on my mind, and I don't know, I think it's a little too personal to put out there. But I'll give it my best shot:

LOVE. What is there to say about love? When do you feel it? What does it feel like? What age should you feel it at?

I personally don't think there's a certain age where you can say, "Okay, I'm this age now, so I can know what love feels like." That's bullshit. You feel it when you feel it. Granted, lots of the younger teenagers say they're in love with their significant other, when it's really just infatuation. I do think they are too young to know what true love feels like, but it's different for all of us. For me, true love is that endless, compassionate, selfless love that you feel for another person. Ask a teenager who is "in love" and most likely, they won't be willing to be compassionate or selfless, and you'll find that it's just infatuation. 

You start to experience true love when you're older because you're more mature and have experienced things in your life that shape you into the person that you are. You know what you want and don't want out of life. And you are more willing to sacrifice for someone that you really care about....

....The reason why I'm bringing this up is because (and this is the embarrassing part) I met someone about three years ago. I have always been extremely attracted to him ( haha, yes it is a him) but I never really did anything about it, because I was always here in Costa and I figured "Why bother, I'm leaving in a few weeks and I'll probably never see him again." Then he came to my house back home and I thought the same thing. And time went by, and I slowly started to forget about him and move on, even though he was still in the back of my mind. Then the day before yesterday, my dad tells me we're gonna go visit him and his family on Wednesday. 

I was all excited and giddy for a while, but then I realized that I had to calm down. He probably had a girlfriend, he doesn't like me anyway, blah blah blah. So by the time we got to his house I was pretty calm and collected. And then I saw him...

.....Holy Shittttt. All those feelings just came flooding back like that. And I couldn't figure out what to do with myself.  So the point I'm trying to get at is that for the longest time, I swore I was in love with this guy. But then I realized I hardly knew him. And I didn't meet up to my own standards of what love is. So for now, I'll call it infatuation. But I've never been this infatuated in my life haha. Any advice?

Song of the day: Heaven- Moonpools & Caterpillars

Until next time

Sary

Ticquisia

No one commented on that last entry where I freaking spilled my guts out to everyone. This is disappointing.

Anyways, Im here (cant find the apostrophe yet so bare with me). Im still too attached to California to call this place home. I think when that day comes it will be a sad day in my life. I know I said I would write two days ago, but it was about the unluckiest day of my life and I was seriously not in the mood to write. And I dont care to retell it right about now so back off.

To make a long story short, adjusting to Costa Rica is going to be a lot tougher than I thought. I miss Chris and Casey so so so much. And its weird because usually when things get tough I just give up. But I cant just quit on this one. I either get used to it or I get used to it. And there is some sadness in that, some nostalgia. Im just really depressed for lack of a better word. I know its only my fourth day here, but I cant see myself living comfortably here for a very long time yet to come.

When it comes down to it, I want to go home. I want to see my best friends.

But that cant happen. Atleast not for now. So I just have to deal with it and move on. I guess this is what being an adult means. People think the transition from kid to grown up is slow and transitive, but thats all bullshit. It just happens from one day to another and bites you in the ass, and then you have to deal with hardships that you have no idea how to handle.

So I know I said that my entries were going to be more philosophical but I think its okay for now to just get my feelings out. Plus, dealing with change in itself is a philosophical concept isnt it? Come to think of it, here is my question for the day.

What drives and motivates you to step out of your comfort zone? How do you deal with change and fear of the unkown?

Talk to me.

Song of the day (insert GODDAMN colon) Lovesong of the Buzzard- Iron and Wine

Until next time
Sary

p.s. that song reminds me of my aquarium adventure with Casey. Awww.

Goodbye for now

In approximately one hour, it will officially be August 29th, a.k.a. my departure. It really didn't hit me until this morning when I was packing my neutrogena stuff: "I am leaving..."

From that moment up until right now, I have been depressed the whole day. It's funny, whenever I'm feeling any sort of emotion, whether it be good or bad, and it's completely overwhelming, there's a word that repeats over and over again in my mind that describes how I am feeling. I remember (and this is really embarrassing) when I got my first kiss, the word was "happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy" over and over again in my mind repeatedly.

And today, the word has been, "sorrow......sorrow......sorrow". Not repeatedly, but every so often when I distract myself just enough to smile, it creeps up on me. I spent one last day with Casey and Chris. Just thinking about the fact that I won't be able to call them all the time, or see them whenever I want to, or immediately tell them about something exciting that happened makes me so sad (for lack of a better word). I think what kills me most is knowing how many miles there are between us.

As I was saying goodbye to them outside of Casey's house, my "sorrow" surprisingly disappeared. Not because I was happy, in fact I didn't feel anything at all. I was numb. I didn't cry. I wish I could react to things faster because everytime something important happens where I know I should feel some emotion, I feel nothing. Even as I was hugging them, I didn't feel anything, except perhaps the slightest bit of disbelief. Then I got in the car, rolled down my windows, blast "Death and all his Friends" through the radio, and started honking all the way down Shady Ridge till I got to Cowan Heights.

As soon as I turned right, something happened. I started to breathe really heavily, like I was lacking oxygen, and by the time I reached Foothill, I was hyperventolating and crying hysterically. I wanted to breathe, but somehow the oxygen wasn't getting in my lungs. And it was the feeling and emotion that I had been lacking the entire day. I had been holding all the sadness in for the past few months, and I guess that was my release, and all these emotions came flooding out. More than anything, it was the knowledge that I wouldn't see them again for atleast a year, and all the things I could've said to them and I didn't.

It's also the knowledge that I won't see any of my friends and family for atleast another year. My aunt started sobbing when she left the house a few minutes ago, and I broke down too, as much as I wanted to hold it in. I'm not going to sleep tonight, I know I won't. Whenever I travel I never sleep the night before. But now on top of worrying about my fear of airports and airplanes, I have to think about everything I'm leaving behind. I've been putting on a brave face for the past few months, but there's no use in denying it anymore- I know I'll get used to Costa Rica, I love it over there. And although in a few months, maybe weeks, I'll call it "home" this place will always, always be my home. This is my heart. I grew up here. The people I love are here. It's as simple as that.

And so my friends, if something happens to me and I don't make it, I'd like to be cremated. I want "Both Sides Now" by Joni Mitchell to play at my funeral. Tell my parents I love them, tell my sister I love her, tell Casey and Chris I love them, tell my family I love them. Someone take good care of Andrew. Remember me and smile.

If not, I will write again on August 31st, 2008 from my new residence, I will update you on my current mood, and I will be waiting for Chris and Casey next summer.

Un-Song of the day: California- Rogue Wave

Until next time, most definitely
Sary

Going away party

My going away party is tonight. Only family though. It's hard to imagine that I won't be seeing these people for years possibly. I had just gotten so used to seeing them every weekend pretty much. 

LeRoi from the Dave Matthews Band passed away a few days ago and Dave Matthews had this to say: 

"It is always easier to leave, than to be left."

Normally quotes don't make that much of an impact on me, but every once in a while one will creep up and have me say, "Woah." I love this quote. He means that it is really hard when someone leaves, but it's always harder on the people that are left behind. And I think this can apply to leaving in all forms, not just in death. 

Unfortunately for me, I get the feeling that when I leave, it's not going to be so hard on the people I leave behind...and by people, I mean my "friends".

Song of the day: Jewel Box- Jeff Buckley

Until next time

Sary

How far is heaven?

I have one bar on my internet connection!! Aaah! It's gonna go any second now so I'll try to type this as fast as I can. Before I vent about my religious point of view, I just thought I'd tell you I'm two pounds lighter. I guess you lose the most in the first week. But it's a work in progress. The diet lasts two months so I didn't expect to lose all the weight I wanted immediately. I just try and take it one day at a time. 

Ok so, my topic for today. By the way, I realize that 3 people at most read my blog so it's not like we can go into a religious debate here, but I just wanted to let you know what my views about heaven are because I haven't really found a forum (i don't mean an internet forum. you know what i mean though) where I can speak openly and honestly about this, so I figured this would be the perfect place. If you want to chime in, please be my guest. Okay, so. HEAVEN. 

Someone asked me if I believed in heaven the other day. I opened my mouth but no sound came out for about five seconds. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I just didn't know how to word it. Finally I spoke, and it went something like this: I want to believe in heaven. The idea of life after death, just the idea itself, is so audacious to me. The possibility that we might live forever just completely blows me away. Of course I want to believe that something so magnificent can exist. However, do I know that heaven exists? No. I don't know if heaven exists. Why? Because I haven't seen it. No one has come back from the dead and told me about it. Now, I'm not one of those pessimistic people who say " If I can see it and I can touch it, then it's real". Those people are pathetic. There are billions of things in the universe that exist whether we believe in them or not. There are billions of things that exist in the universe in which we can't even begin to fathom their existence. It doesn't mean they don't exist. Conversely, there are millions of things that don't exist, regardless of our beliefs. They just don't. Heaven falls into this category of things that do or do not exist. It may or may not exist. I simply don't know. And that is my answer. Of course it's possible that it can exist, just as easily as it can't. Am I getting my point across? Now, this doesn't mean I'm agnostic, because I believe in God. 

Let me rephrase that. I believe in a benevolent force that binds, connects, and rules every living thing in this universe. Am I going to put a name on it? No. I don't have to. But just for other's people sake, when they ask me, "Do you believe in God?" I don't want to say, " I believe in the benevolent force that binds, connects, and rules everything." Instead, to make it easier for everyone, I just say "God". 

So to sum things up, I don't know if heaven exists, but I'd like to believe that it does. And I try to not think about too much in my everyday life. Heaven is not a place, it's a destination. In other words, it's not something that people just look at, people actually want to get into heaven. And what do they do to get into heaven? They go to church, feed the poor, and do general good deeds. I recently just realized that that entire act is such a juxtaposition. Supposedly, you're doing good for the sake of others right? But really, it's just to save your own ass from going to hell. So there is nothing noble about these "noble acts" you commit is there? That's why I don't try to think about heaven too much. Because if I do something good for someone, I want it to be for the mere fact that it is the right thing to do. Period, end of story. That's why I don't agree with Christianity and a lot of other religious groups. But that's another entry. I don't really want to get into religion, seeing as how this is one of my longest posts!

But wow, it feels amazing to get it all off my chest. Whooooooo. I said everything I wanted to say. So please, if you're reading this, whoever you are, and you have an opinion, talk to me. 

Song of the day: Just for now- Imogen Heap

Until next time

Sary

Mr. Macintosh

This is my first entry on the Mac. Words can't express how much i love it, which is completely hypocritical, given my hatred of consumerism. But you love what you love. 

Certain events in my life have led me to decide that i want to change this blog in many ways. From now on, we're gonna be a little more philosophical if you don't mind, because i'm really sick of just reciting what i did on a particular day. I mean, who cares? I lived it, it's done, move on. And considering the fact that I'm leaving in 11 days and about to embark on an adventure that i have NO IDEA of the outcome, I think it's time to grow up and take a look at the world around me. It's time to understand why things are the way that they are, why people are a certain way, what drives us as a race, what drives me, how do i get rid of my inadequacies, how do i become the best possible version of ME?

I hate to say it, but there's more to life than Macs ( even though they're awesome), and cars, and college, and parties, and television, and superficial friends, and everything else that at the end of our lives, will not matter at all. There's an entire list of goals that I have set for myself now, and maybe if i get them all out on here, it will make the tasks a little bit easier. So that's all for now. 

On a final note (reverting back to the old blog) I saw the Disneyland fireworks on Saturday for the last time. I just sat down on some steps in the middle of Anaheim and watched for 15 minutes....

....check. 

Song of the day: Passenger Seat- Death Cab for Cutie

Until next time

Sary

it's just hair

it'll grow back. not that i really want it to, because i luuuurve it. i went to the salon today in the morning and cut like 4 or 5 inches off? and i got some bangs. sweeeeeeeet.

since this is my blogger, and i'm allowed to write whatever i want to write regardless of how embarrassing it might be, i guess i'll tell you that i have started a weight-loss journey. I really just want to shed some extra uncomfortable pounds and get nice for Costa Rica. I'm on this high-protein, no sugar diet where i can only eat 20 grams of carbs per day. I started on Monday, and let me tell you, the first two days were freaking tough. Yesterday was the worst. I was depressed and had no energy at all. I guess I was having a withdrawal. I gotta say though, if that was a "can't eat whatever i want" withdrawal, I can't imagine how a cocaine or meth withdrawal feels. I mean, I felt like shit yesterday only because I couldn't have any sugar. Imagine how all those other people feel when they're in rehab...

Anyways, I woke up today and fortunately I feel great! It's like the " 3 Day Hump" that Morgan Spurlock talks about in "Super Size Me". If you can go three days without smoking, then you're good. If you can go three days without sugar then you're good. haha. So I was reading the book that I bought for the diet and this one lady lost 16 pounds in one week! And it looks like I'm right on track because i've lost 5 pounds in the last two days. Hopefully I can keep it up till the 29th, save one special day I'm planning with Casey and Chris where I don't want to think about anything, especially keeping my diet.

So that's the skinny on me for now..........HA! look at that! get it? skinny? eh, nevermind.

Song of the day: Who Wants to live Forever- Queen

Until next time
Sary

p.s. I'll keep updating so you can go along on this weight loss journey with me!

what to write?

i really can't think of anything important to write, except that the opening ceremony for the Olympics made me cry, and I still can't believe that Bernie Mac died!

The creepy thing is though, the very night before I looked him up on youtube and told my dad to watch him because he was hilarious. And then he died a few hours later. Now you might think I'm crazy, but I've had this theory ever since I was a kid that I make all these famous people die. I'm not even kidding. When I was seven, I saw Princess Diana on television, and obviously I knew how famous and important she was. And I thought, what would happen if she died? Like how big would it be in the news and stuff?

A few weeks later SHE DIED. I still blame myself for that death. Then a few years later, I was thinking, "Gosh, no one famous has died in a while. I want someone to die soon." I know, I know, it sounds HORRRRRIBLE. But I was a kid. It's still an awful thing to say. Low and behold a few days later, Frank Sinatra died. That's happened to me several times now with a lot of other celebrities. And just a few days ago B. Mac died. I know I didn't actually say I wish he died but I always have some kind of connection to them before they die, whether I see them on TV or think about them a lot oddly right before they die, or actually say it. I don't know. It's just another factor to add to the theory that I'm part psychic. But more on that theory some other time.

In the mean time, the mac? Pretty much in the bag, baby.

Song of the day: Cath...- Death Cab for Cutie

Until next time

Sary

my departure

As of three days ago, I am officially leaving for Costa Rica on August 29th. That's about, 5 months before I originally intended. But truth be told, I'm not DOING anything here. I could be spending my time going over my spanish, hanging out with my cousins, and making bank at work, but instead I'm sitting on the couch all day, watching Jon and Kate plus 8. I know it's totally lame.

I'm glad I have a set date though, because now I can get all my shit together and do the things that i've been putting off all summer. In about three weeks time, I'll be hitting the road with nothing but a suitcase in one hand, and my guitar in the other (there's no way in hell i'm going 5 months without playing) and I almost forgot, with my new laptop. Dad wants to get me a Dell, but hopefully I can persuade him onto the darkside and get him to buy me a Mac. And I know there's no way of saying that previous sentence without sounding REALLY stuck up, so back off.

Also, there is something that i've been wanting to say for a while now, and I figure that this is the best place to say it. Ready?

FUCK YOU, JONAS BROTHERS.

All of you sound like girls you little pussies. Fuck you, and your fucking teeny-bopper fan base. I fucking hate you. hahahahahahahhaha.

no, i really do though.

Song of the day: Untitled- Northern

Until next time

Sary