i'm horrible

4 posts for April? LAAAMMME. I'm so sorry, blogger. But I have a good excuse. I have been working my ass off for all of my final projects and exams. Tomorrow I find out if I passed marketing, don't even get me started on that. I don't want to talk about school anymore. I finished the semester today....I actually survived my first semester of college! haha

So the good news is that I get two weeks off starting today! It was all definitely harder than I thought but I think I passed all of my classes....I don't know if you realize that strangeness of that sentence...Sarynelli worried if she passed a class or not? I know, it's true. I have gone from straight-A honor roll high school student to mediocre college student who just cares if she got higher than a 70 in a class. Oh, how people change :)

I apologize for my pessimistic attitude last time. It's not really like me, I usually try to look on the bright side of things and not panic. But I guess I was just frustrated at the situation I was in...I was so sure things would end up my way, but as I've said many many times before, things don't always end up the way you plan. Certain events in my life have demonstrated this to me over and over again. Maybe the cosmos is trying to tell me something?! haha.

But since then, that was like three weeks ago I think, I have re-assessed the situation and decided to make the best of it. At the end of the day, it's the most reasonable decision to take and the safest, which unfortunately also means that my dream of becoming a legendary filmmaker will have to wait a few more years. But the best things in life are usually the ones worth waiting for. Anyways, I'm feeling better about it. I'm just going to concentrate on school and the years will go flying by. 

Well.

In case you didn't know, it's my birthday on Monday. I can't wait. The ironic thing about this is that if you check back to exactly one year ago, I was PISSED that I was turning 18 haha. I DID NOT want to turn 18 because then I was officially an adult and my youth was disappearing and blah blah blah. Strangely though, I have ALWAYS looked forward to turning 19. Haha, I don't why, it just always seemed such a cool age to me. Like, "....Hey...I'm 19..." HAHA. But at the same time, typing out those numbers just now, 1-9, I really can't believe it. I'll be freaking 20 next year. In all seriousness, I really feel like my life is going by so quickly! Which is just another reason to make the best out of your life and always have the conviction to follow your dreams. I feel like I've grown so much since I turned 18, mostly in part because I was still in California when I turned 18. Jesus. That seems like so long ago! But anywho, I'll talk about that more on Monday. But remember to send me birthday wishes :) 

So let's see, what else? Oh, things with the love interest have kind of plateaued unfortunately. And I won't see him again for atleast another two weeks...who knows, maybe some time apart will be good haha. 

I really can't wait to go visit back home in December. I've already started planning. I would go further into detail about this, but How to Lose A Guy in 10 days just started and I am NOT going to miss it haha. I think a chick flick and some popcorn is exactly what I need after such a stressful two weeks.

The Amelie soundtrack has been on repeat for the last two days on my computer....so it's only natural....

Song of the day: J'y Suis Jamais Allé- Yann Tiersen

Until next time

Sary

Because I'm too lazy...

This is the e-mail that I wrote to Mrs. Pahl:

"I miss you Mrs. Pahhhlll!!! And Casey too of course. And Rocky and Benny. Things are going pretty well here. I had Spring Break last week and went to the beach! It was sooo beautiful. The beaches were pretty desolate despite the fact that all the gringos came down to spend their spring break here haha. My cousin drove by the airport last Monday and said there was a line of tourists that spanned about 100 meters haha!. We get lots visitors this time of year. But today it rained! It's raining right now actually. And I think this marks the beginning of the rain for us...it's going to pour continuously from here till December pretty much :(

Casey seemed pretty bummed when I told her I wasn't coming in May, so was I. What really sucks is that my mom is going in May...to know that she's going without me makes me furious! haha. But I think it's better this way. I'm going in December for sure and I get a whole month off of school so I can stay longer than I would have in May. Plus, December is my favorite month, I get waaay into the Christmas spririt haha. There's no other place that I would rather spend in December than back home. 

Apart from everything else, I'm going through an existential crisis! haha. I would really love your advice or support, because you would pretty much be the only person offering :/

The thing is, I'm not happy at all at school. I mean, I love the people, the campus, the whole experience, but I just HATE what I'm studying. I wasn't planning on registering next semester because four months of business administration have just really showed me that it's not for me, and I would die if I went into that as a profession. It's also made me realize how much I love film and how I know that I won't be happy if I'm not doing that. 

So when I told my parents, they of course freaked out. My original plan was to just work for the next year or two and save up enough money to go back home and study film. But they said there is no way they are letting me waste a year of my life working because sooner or later I won't want to go back to school. So they gave me two options: I can either 

a) continue to go to school for the next two years and get my bachelors. After that, I can do whatever I want- stay here, go back home and study whatever I want. The problem is I think I will literally DIE if I have to take two more years of this major.

b) if I dropout now, I go back home as soon as possible and I'm basically on my own. They pretty much said they can't support me if I'm over there (and they also mentioned their great disappointment in me if I dropout of school).

Here's the thing: Their argument is that if I get a bachelor's and go back to live in California, I'll atleast have some sort of base to get a good job and be able to afford a comfortable living situation while paying for film school (and I hate to admit it but they're right) as opposed to getting a full time at Starbucks or whatever making minimum wage. They also mentioned their great disappointment in me if I dropout about a hundred times. 

But I just don't see how I'm going to survive for the next two years studying something that I hate. I guess my good sense is telling me to suck it up for the next two years- sometimes we have to make sacrifices and do things we don't want to do...

...another thing that really bothered me is their lack of support in regards to what I want do with my life. They don't take me and my passion for film seriously and most of the time laugh at me for wanting do something so unorthodox...my mom referred to it as a "hobby"...that really hurt. I mean, when your own parents don't support you in something you've been wanting since you were a little kid it just makes it that much harder to acheive. 

So right now alllll the odds are against me and everything and everyone is telling me to give up my dream. Any words of advice? Moral support? Money to send my way? haha.

Anyways, sorry for rambling but I feel better now that it's off my chest. I hope everyone is doing great and I hope to hear from you soon! Give casey a huge hug for me!

Love 

Sary"

pretty much.

Song of the day: Deleft Schremp- Band of Horses

Until next time

Sary

Montezuma's Revenge

^^ This is so cool, I googled Montezuma and that's the hotel that my cousin owns buried in the palm trees!

I think I've already posted an entry with that title....and I just realized the other day that I had the same "Song of the Day" for two entries in a row haha. Ray is just a genius, what can I say?

So I'm leaving in about 3 hours for Montezuma. Yes, we are leaving at 2 a.m. It marks the commencement of my first spring break in Costa Rica! I should try to get atleast one hour of sleep but I know it's not gonna happen. I love waking up in the middle of the night for family road trips. It reminds me of our first road trip to San Francisco. But if there is one thing that I love, it's driving in the middle of the night. The world seems so calm, so peaceful, it makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world. The fact that everyone else is safe, asleep in their beds gives me a feeling of such comfort, I don't know why! haha. But on the list of small pleasures that I love, that would definitely be at the top. 

We come back on Saturday and I'm going to make the most of the four days we're spending there. I'm going to see my uncle Eugene of Thursday who is one of my favorite uncles...he's German! haha. Like full on "I was born in Germany before the wall came down" German haha. And also *CROSSING FINGERS* the love interest will meet up with me in the next few days. I'm so excited. :D

I promise to take a crap load of pictures to document this great trip. So I'll probably check in again on Sunday, if I'm not too tired. Wish me luck with the love interest and I hope you have a great spring break! (If you haven't already)

:)

Song of the day: The Blower's Daughter- Damien Rice

Until next time

Sary

April showers

It's raining right now! Which is cool I guess....I love the sound of rain on the tin roofs. Before I go off and watch the Jane Austen Book Club (which is a wonderful little movie) I thought I'd squeeze in an entry. 

Well, it's April! I've always liked April, it's always been a good month. Well, bittersweet would be a more accurate word. April is the month that my grandma died. Yesterday it was her 5 year anniversary. I can't believe it's been 5 years already. I remember the night that it happened...something that will definitely stay burned in my mind for the rest of my life. That was really the first experience I ever had with death. I remember I didn't cry for about 4 or 5 days. I just felt numb and incredibly guilty for that. It took about 5 days for it to sink in and after I realized she was gone forever I really lost it. And I wasn't extremely close with her you know? I mean I loved her to death and she always carried a special place in my heart, but I just never got to see her that much. So we loved each other immensely but just simply weren't that close. I still think about her often.

April was also the month when I started going out with my first boyfriend. Ahhh fond memories hahah. But for me, April and love (or love interests I guess I should say) have always gone hand in hand. Maybe that's why I love it so much haha. See because now, things with my current love interest are going extremely well. And I'm so happy. We're both going to Montezuma next week for spring break and we're meeting up! I can't wait. 

I've been playing the piano a lot lately, but it's so freaking hard! A lot of hand coordination is needed. I guess since I'm so used to playing the guitar it's made things more difficult for me. But I learned how to play 3 or 4 songs on it now! Mind you, I KNOW how to play them...doesn't mean I can haha not physically atleast. The bones in my fingers have been hurting a lot just because I've had to stretch them out while I play. Hopefully I'll continue with it and learn how to really play just like I did with the guitar. 

Anyways. Next time. In-depth entry. I PROMISE.

I seem to be getting more and more obsessed with Ray. I luuurve him.

Song of the day: Let it be me- Ray LaMontagne

Until next time

Sary