500 days of what just happened?

alksdjf;

I'm freaking out. I have A.D.D. right now for some reason and I'm really hyper, just restless. So in the midst of my depression, something weird happened today that lifted my spirits.

I met a boy.

But I can't even describe what it was like. I don't want to sound all mushy and naive but it's that thing where you meet someone and you feel something? I don't even freaking know, but I know immediately when I like a guy and at first it's just instant infatuation but this time it was different...I mean yes, infatuation was there but something else was there too. I don't want to say "connection" because that's lame but it was definitely along those lines. But that's not the weirdest part.

The weirdest part is that Tuesday I rented two movies, one of them being 500 Days of Summer (I'm in love with it by the way). So I opted to watch the first one yesterday and I saw 500 today. THE WEIRD THING IS....it describes my exact situation right now. But not just that, my entire ideology on the whole conundrum that is love and what I do, and how I feel, and how I act, and the way I make up these completely non-realistic fantasies in my head. I can honestly say I've never connected so much with a movie than this one. Amazing.

So I have decided that this time I will not screw everything up and take the movie as a sign that this could actually work this time. We shall see. Isn't it amazing how life just sneaks up on you?

Song of the day: Sweet Disposition- The Temper Trap

Until next time

Sary

Elephant

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel really confident and feel like no one can touch you? I'm having one of those days for some reason....

So I'm writing an entry in the morning which is odd for me. I usually write at night so I can reflect on everything I did throughout the day, but I have a lot of time to kill before I go to school, I start at 2:15 now.

My homesickness has not gone away at all, actually it's getting progressively worse throughout the week. I can't believe a week ago I was still back home. I really have to stop though, thinking about it so much I mean. It's only going to make the days go by slower and December is going to seem like a lifetime away. In the meantime I have to figure out something to do, I have to keep my mind busy to not think about home so much. I'm going to make an effort to start being more social with my friends here. I already have plans to go to the beach next weekend with some of them, hopefully I'll have some fun so I won't be so pathetic moping around the house all day.

Looks like I left home just in time though because they're having awful weather right now. Here it couldn't be nicer- 79 degrees and clear skies with the most delicious breeze....it does remind me of home constantly though so I guess it's not that great haha. In any case, I'm ichatting with Allie tonight so maybe I'll feel better after that...or worse who knows. I'm off to eat some taquitos now!

Song of the day: All Mixed Up- Red House Painters

Until next time,

Sary

As You May Have Noticed

I haven't written in about two months.

So much has happened since I last wrote: I finished my third quarter of school, went back home to Cali, discovered some awesome new music, had a falling out with a friend, made up with a friend, came back home, reached a new level of depression.

My experience of going back home was so crazy I can't even begin to describe it. On the spectrum of feelings though, I was definitely on both extremes. I've felt the happiest I've ever felt in my life and the saddest I can honestly say. Going back home really just made things worse though.

I miss it now more than I ever have, I miss my friends more than I ever have. But I do feel somewhat changed; I experienced things and situations that I had never experienced before and now I feel more equipped to confront similar things in the future. It was definitely a growing experience.

Realizing how CONSUMED I was with school last quarter and remembering how good it felt to just let my hair down with my friends back home, I decided that I really need to focus on myself and become the best possible person I can be. I discovered many of my own faults (more than I would have liked to) but it's good because now I know that other people see them too, and I can start working on improving myself, one day at a time.

First up is to start writing more in this blog. I really neglected it last year, especially towards the latter half, and I realized one of the reasons why I felt so trapped and claustrophobic is because I had stopped writing here. It really is therapeutic for me to get everything out that is bothering me, because lord knows I can't talk to anyone about it here. Also, I decided to actually start writing some full-length songs. Ever since I learned how to play guitar I always play around with chords and stuff, but have never written a full-fledged song. I think writing some will help me get all of these repressed feelings out. Red House Painters have definitely inspired me. I guess I'll consider these my unofficial New Year's resolutions.

In any case, I promise to start writing more and keep you updated. Writing helps the weeks go by faster for some reason. And as of now, the end of the year is the only thing that is keeping me motivated.

Song of the day: Homesick- Kings of Convenience

Until next time

Sary