depressed?

smallville was meh tonight. i can't wait till the finale though. and i have a feeling next year is going to suck big time.

so my birthday is on sunday, and i'm not excited about it at all. what's wrong with me?! it's my freaking 18th birthday, i should be ecstatic. It's funny but what my uncle said to me on my 15th birthday is definitely ringing true: "Sary, after your 15th birthday, the years go by like that *snaps fingers*" haha.

i know it's pathetic and i have my whole life ahead of me, but 18 just sounds SOOOO OOLLDD! if it were up to me, i'd stay a kid forever. it's interesting because we were talking about credit today in econ, and it hit me that adulthood focuses sooo much on money, and mortgages, and bad credit, and payments and bullshit. it's no wonder people just fade away when they get older because they spend every waking moment of their life worrying about next month's paycheck. and living in this place certainly lends itself to that.

and you know, i see my parents and see their situation, and their life has become just that. it's all about material things and stress, and there's never enough time to just enjoy being alive, and that's not a life at all. and that's exactly what i dont' want to become. i guess that's one of the reason's why i didn't really hesitate to move, because life is so different there. it's just like a completely different world.

so i don't know, with AP's, cancelling my admission, knowing that i'm leaving in 7 months, and realizing that growing up means having to face the fact that you get more and more detached from living, maybe the reason why i'm not looking forward to my birthday is because it could not have come at a worst time.

Song of the day: Meaning- Gavin Degraw

Until next time
Sary