Winding Down

I've been wanting to write so badly for the past few weeks, but I literally just have not had any free time at all. Next week is officially the last week of school but I finished on Thursday, so I'll probably just go next week to pick up my grades. This quarter was the fastest and the hardest, I mean, it was the one that went by the fastest and the craziest. I've never worked so hard as this past quarter. I have my community service to thank for that. I ended up doing 156 hours and a 90 page report. The day I had to turn it in, everything that could've possibly gone wrong did. Let's just say it took me 3 hours to print two pages and burn a CD and I had to drive to completely opposite ends of the city in order to do it. Looking back on it, it's definitely one of those situations where you have to laugh at how ridiculous your situation is, but I was about ready to kill someone that day.

So now that I am finally free, I have about a month to myself. No school, no projects, no deadlines, I can do whatever I want. I always love breaks because I can just focus on reading and drawing and my music, things that I love to do but can't really do when I'm in school. I still have to finish "Jitterbug Perfume" and make a portrait for my mom, so I'm looking forward to that.

I feel like the next few weeks are the calm before the storm. I told myself that after New Years, I would start planning for when I move back to California. I really have to sit down and just think and think and think. The rest of my life will depend on the decisions I make in the next few months, on how well prepared I am. Needless to say, I'm scared out of my mind. But it really is time to step up and take responsibility for myself. Not that I haven't been, but I can't keep relying on my parents to make all my decisions for me. Their decisions are what brought me here in the first place. But I'm almost 21 now and it's time to grow up. So I guess in the future when I look back, I'll remember this as the last few weeks where I was peaceful and content without a care in the world, not the chaotic world of huge decisions to be made and pressure to make the right choice that I know awaits me. I'm scared, yes. But I think I would be more scared if I left everything up to someone else. The fact is I'm taking control of my life now, and that's a really invigorating thought.

So I randomly started watching Felicity a few weeks ago. You remember Felicity right? Haha, it was that great show on the WB with Keri Russell and Scott Speedman. I really have no idea why I started watching it, but I loved the first episode, so I decided to watch the second, and then the third and so on and so on. Well, I finished the entire series last night. I really can't begin to describe how much I love that show. I guess the biggest reason is this: I can relate to almost everything that happened on that show. I mean, being scared to go to college, not knowing what to major in, having your parents disagree with the choices you've made, being scared about the future, making friends, losing friends, etc. Not to mention that Felicity is basically me in a prettier body. There were times where I felt that they had taken my life and just put it on screen. This show came out when I was 8 and I had no interest in it whatsoever (why would I, really?). Now 12 years later I find it helping me through some important times in my life. Funny how things like that work out. Look, I know it's just a stupid T.V. show, but when something major is happening in your life you'll look anywhere just to get some support, some advice whatever. And that show gives me hope that there have been other people and that there are presently other people going through the same, tough situation I'm going through right now. I guess the reason why I love it so much is simply because it's comforting to me.

In other news, I'm making gingerbread cookies next week and an apple pie for Christmas dinner. I'm trying to find a gingerbread recipe without molasses because it's pretty hard to find here, so I'll let you know how that turns out.

So there's my update. I'm very content right now, especially since the weather finally cleared up and it's blue skies from here to March. That plus some great new music finds and the Christmas spirit makes me a pretty happy camper.

Song of the day: La Cienega Just Smiled- Ryan Adams

Until next time,

Sary